Orientation, Skills and IVs

I am a week and a half into my job.  All last week was 8am-4:30pm of lectures, speakers, hospital orientation, reading skills on the computer...aka I WAS SITTING ALL WEEK!  I know all too soon I am going to be complaining about all the standing I am doing.  In any event, I have had an okay week and a half.  I am of course overwhelmed and feel like I retained zip from school.  Everyone says that's to be expected and normal.  Well, it makes me feel useless and leaves me in a panic!

I made a friend.  She is also on nights on my unit.  I have the comfort in knowing that I am not alone, which is wonderful.  We have similar stories as she also did an accelerated program.

Today, we did nursing skill competencies and learned more about hospital policy on tracheostomies and chest tubes.  Those both scare me like crazy.  The only other thing that really scares me that bad wold be anything cardiac related.  Hearts and lungs, two vital organs/functions, make me crazy nervous.  I have also learned who to call if I ever need help.  We are a little less staffed (read: very less staffed) with managers and such on night shift.  It was nice to know that I will never be all alone.  I know this, but to be reminded is always welcomed.  After skills, we got a crash course on IV insertion.  I even got to practice on a fake arm.  Basically, I am no better off than I was this morning!  What they tell us is we will be proficient if we practice.  We are told to let the nurses on our unit know what we haven't done, so we can do everything!  I sure hope I can handle all this.  I am already feeling the knots in my stomach.

I have tomorrow off!  Christmas shopping needs to happen!  I have nothing done!  I did stop twice after work for some new scrubs.  Merry Christmas to me! haha  We get to wear any style of scrubs, just in blue or white.  Did I mention that I love wearing scrubs.  It's basically like wearing my pajamas everyday!

Job Accepted

I am an employed nurse!  I still can't believe it!  I am so unbelievably nervous, overwhelmed and really feel like I don't remember anything from school.  Sigh.

The shadow on Friday went well.  I was paired with a seasoned nurse who was very much into teaching and showing me around.  She included me in everything.  That part was fun.  It was also great to have zero responsibility, at least for a few hours.  I got a feel for the unit, and even more support about starting my nursing career on a med/surg unit.  The nurse was telling me just how much I will be exposed to and how much I will learn.  I wore scrubs, not professional attire, and sneakers.  I know I will be walking miles per shift, so I am going to have to get super comfy shoes.  I am not sure what yet; sneakers or Danskos.  I finally had my toe looked at and was diagnosed with arthritis.  I have two inserts to wear, so sneakers might be the way to go.

I started this post a week ago!  It is now the night before my first day at the hospital.  I am nervous, and thinking I won't sleep all that well tonight.  It's reminding me of the night before my first day of nursing school.  Although, I am pretty sure I was more nervous for school.  I know a little bit of what to expect this time AND I get paid!  Woo hoo!!

I am going to wrap this up.  I hope I sleep and continue to fight this stupid head cold.  I have spent that last few years of my life preparing for this job/career.  Now is the time to actually do it!  It's very overwhelming.  I don't think it has all sunk in yet.  Here goes nothing!

Job Offer

Well, my first interview has turned into a job offer!  What the what!?  I am full of mixed feelings.  Here they are in no particular order:
1. I am super excited to know (as my brother put it) I am hire-able!
2. In my opinion, the interview went well, and with the offer, I was reaffirmed that it went well!
3. I am terrified at the thought of being a nurse.
4.  I don't remember anything from school.
5. Do I take the job, or hold out for a job in the unit of my choice?
6. Don't be a diva.
7. Man-up and realize wherever my first job is, it will cause anxiety, stress, fear and I will be overwhelmed (thanks for the reminder Erin!)
8. How do I make this decision!?!?!?!?!

I spoke with someone in HR when I was given the offer.  I asked when I would have to give my answer.  I have a week to make the decision.  I also asked the nurse manager to shadow on the unit (which is this Friday) to get a feel for the unit and to help make my decision.  The nurse manager is so nice and seems very accommodating.  She also gave me directions to get to the unit, but also said I can just call her and she would come meet me so I won't get lost.  Perfect as I am always lost going to a new place!!  I will go at 7am on Friday to see the start of the day shift.  I am not sure what I am going to wear to shadow.  Scrubs?  Professional attire??  hmmmmm

The job is on a med/surg floor at a hospital very close to were I live (plus!).  I really didn't expect to work in med/surg, as I really want OB or at least peds, BUT I have to remember that I have to start somewhere, I will gain a lot of great experience, it's close to home and a great hospital.  I also have three resumes out there with some connections to different hospitals and I worry that if I take this job, all of a sudden, I could possibly have more interviews in units I would prefer.  On the other hand, none of them could pan out and I would be left with nothing!  Why are big decisions so hard to make!!?

I am going to meet up with my advisor to talk about my concerns.  I am hoping, as a seasoned nurse, she will have some great insight, perspective and give me some solid advice to make this decision.  It overwhelms me to think I could be starting a job soon.  I hope I don't cry! haha

I have talked about this decision with my sister, sister-in-law, brother, mom, dad, and of course my Erin.  They all have great advice, but obviously, only I can make this decision.  I have to remember to relax, take deep breaths and have confidence in myself, my abilities and all the hard work I have put in to get to this point.  I have spent years getting ready to have a career and one that I hope to excel at and love!  I am also remembering I have promised the first 14 months of paychecks to Erin ;)

I am sure my next post will be whether or not I accept this job...here is to a weekend of talking, breathing, stressing, pros/cons lists and probably freaking out! (Sorry Erin)

First Interview

I have really dropped the ball with my blog!  I have been busy doing nothing!!  haha  I and trying to enjoy this in between time.  I know it will be a long, long time before I am ever in this spot again.  I am taking advantage by staying up late, watching reality tv, cooking, napping, hanging with my new sister-in-law, and trying to get back into the sport of running.  The goal is to run a 15k in April with Helene.

In other news, I now have the time to get things done I have been putting off.  This included FINALLY going to the doctor to have my big toe looked at.  I assumed I had arthritis and it seems I was right.  I had x-rays done earlier this week and the x-ray confirms what the doctor suspected.  Unfortunately, I need to follow-up with a podiatrist to rule out a possible fracture.  What the what?  I have no memory of hurting my foot/toe.  I have that appointment scheduled in two weeks.  In the meantime, I have a new pair of running shoes and I need to go get some inserts to wear to hopefully help the chronic pain I have in my toe.  Awesome.

This morning I also had my first nursing interview!!  I was, of course, so nervous.  I have known about this for a few weeks.  I went suit shopping with my parents and my aunt and uncle when they were all in town for Erik and Helene's wedding.  I have been going through practice questions.  I think Jackson is more prepared than me to go on nursing interviews ;)  He has been listening to me talk to myself the last few days.

This interview was for a hospital near me but for med-surg.  I wouldn't say I completely dislike med-surg, but it's not one of my top choices.  Of course, I start playing the what if game and causing unnecessary panic.  I need to take Erin's advice and to take everything as is comes and not play the what if game.  Deep breaths.  Overall, I think I had a very successful first interview.  I felt confident in my answers, I was given positive feedback and was some how able to keep my voice from cracking!  I think I will hear back sometime next week.

I have sent my resume out to a couple other contacts I have.  I am hoping something pans out from this as well.  If anything, I would like to practice interviewing some more :)  On the other hand, I would be ok with no more interviews!  They stress me out!

Applications

Well, just a quick little note.  I have submitted a few applications to some nearby (and not so nearby) hospitals.  I also made profiles and submitted my resume to a few hospitals too.  I will continue to job search.  I also have to send my resume to an OB I worked with briefly at the hospital I did my OB clinical.  I also have a contact with the hospital I did my leadership clinical (also in OB).  I am slightly hesitant about that spot just because the unit seemed so disorganized and chaotic while I was there.  But hey, it's a job, right!?  I will talk to Erin more about it and get her opinion.

In other news, Erin and I have a big weekend planned.  We are driving to our friend's salon, about 2 hours away for me to get a haircut!  Then I am babysitting the two year old twins I know that evening. :)  Sunday, we plan to go apple picking, hopefully with my brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law!  I can't wait for apple goodies and fresh apple juice!  Apple pies, applesauce, apple cookies, apple bread, the list is endless!!

Ok, I need to get my lazy butt up and take Jax for a walk.  He has been busy napping since 6:30 this morning, snoring away.

Revisions

I really, really dislike working on my resume.  It makes me feel inadequate and question what I have really done these past 33 years!  I can sum up my accomplishments on a single page of paper.  Awesome.

I have sent my revised resume to my brother and made corrections.  I then sent my revised, revised resume to my advisor, to get a nursing opinion.  I then made revisions to those revisions and just sent it back to her for a second look.  Whew!

In other news, I was able to shadow the nurse practitioner on Monday.  We saw so many patients I lost count!  It was great to see the role of a NP in action.  She was great an included me in just about everything.  I also saw first hand how the paper work is just as involved as a floor nurse, just a very different approach.  We were BUSY all day.  I was able to leave after she saw her last patient (8 hours in).  She had a couple hours of paper work to finish, but told me to head out to hopefully beat rush hour traffic.  I went head first into rush hour traffic.  No biggie, especially since I had the next few days to myself!

Tomorrow, I get to head back to watch a surgery.  I won't be in the OR, but rather in a conference room watching a live video of a surgery.  Pretty cool!  This means I can most likely be sitting and not have to wear OR scrubs and a surgical mask ;)  I am completely OK with that!  I will have to rush out of there at the end of the surgery as I have to pack and get ready for a little trip I am going on this weekend!  I am heading to Kentucky super early Friday morning to head to my cousins house.  I was asked to be the godmother of my sweet little cousin.  The baptism is this Sunday.  I will get to see my parents too!  Speaking of which, I need to go get some laundry started and maybe begin to start the process of packing.  Did I mention I hate packing!?

One Week Later

This morning, I was taken back to a week ago.  I am so beyond thankful I passed NCLEX and do not have that awful nervous/anxious/panic feeling anymore.  That was brutal.  But, I somehow made it through!  Pretty sure you couldn't pay me to go back and relive any of that!

This pretty much sums up my thoughts about nursing school and NCLEX...

Next big thing is finding a job.  Of course I am already nervous about the idea of interviews and then actually being a nurse!  I am excited to see where I end up AND to have an income again!

Here area  few other fun pics I have found along the way, so so so glad they are applicable to me now!

I joke with Erin that the one main thing we both learned on this long journey...Katie does NOT handle stress well.  Sorry babes, I know I have been very difficult to live with.  It can only get better, right!?

NCLEX Schmenclex

The morning of NCLEX.  I actually slept well, which I will attribute to the mindfulness session just before falling asleep.  I woke up at 5:45am.  I was able to see Erin for a bit before she left for work.  Erin was calm and collected and told me to do my best and that she loved me and knew that I would pass.  Her great line was “this test is going to suck, you know that, but you will do great!”  She never once doubted me!  Well, if she did, she certainly covered it up well!  She left shortly after for work.  I proceeded to make myself an egg and toast.  I forced myself to eat most of it.  I also had a small cup of coffee for fear without it, I would get a caffeine headache.  My stomach was in knots.  I also took the advice of my friend to do about 20 test questions that morning.  In theory it would be helpful to get my brain warmed up.  Well at least that is what I told myself.  I was in a better mood that morning, compared to the previous night, and actually did a bit better on the test questions.  It gave me a very small bit of confidence, which was next to nothing.  After I ate my breakfast, I got dressed.  I dressed in layers, per the suggestion of the live review instructor.  I wore comfortable clothes, but nothing that resembled a coat.  I packed a few small snacks and a sparkling water, grabbed my confirmation of my appointment and headed out to my car.  I had the fleeting thought, “what if my car doesn't start?!”  Test anxiety in full force!  Oh, I also had a card from my Erin.  I started my car and opened the card.  It gave me wet eyes, which I was afraid of. I was on the edge with my emotions.  Anything could and did push me over said edge.  There was also a Dunkin Donuts gift cert in it.  Erin suggested I go get a donut and a latte after the test.  She is so sweet and so thoughtful.  Did I mention how amazing my wife is?!

I was now enroute to the testing center.  It definitely helped doing the dry run the week before.  I was a tad less nervous.  I was listening to music and trying to take deep breaths.  I parked at 7:15am.  My exam started at 8am.  I sat in my car and focused on my breathing for a bit more.  I texted Erin and then at 7:25, I headed into the testing center.  Nervous bladder was also trying to destroy me, so I hit the bathroom before heading into the office.  Once in the office, I saw a fellow classmate!  That put me a little bit at ease.  She was also visibly nervous.  I had a little bit of a wait, but sooner than later, I was registered, snacks in a locker and heading in to take NCLEX.  I was so nervous, I could feel and see my hands shaking.  I also could hear my heartbeat as I put on the noise cancelling headphones.  I took deep breaths and tried to stay in the moment.  I told myself repeatedly to do my best and not get too ahead of myself with my thoughts (of failing). 

So a little bit about NCLEX, for those that are not familiar.  NCLEX tests minimal competency.  Basically, they want to ensure you won’t hurt someone as a new nurse.  The test can be anywhere from 75-265 questions.  It is an adapted test, meaning the computer will start at one level, if you get the question right, it gets harder, if you get it wrong it gets easier.  You have to prove that you are competent based on some standard.  This scared me!  I knew I would at least get 75 questions.  So, when 75 came and went, I decided I needed to take a quick break.  I needed to walk and to clear my mind.  I went to the bathroom, got a drink of water, and gave myself my 43523rd pep talk of the day.  I took some deep breaths and headed back into the test.  I forgot that once I was there for two hours, I would get a break.  A few questions back in the test, my screen reminded me of said break.  It scared me!  I declined the break.  At this point, I had no clue when the computer would shut off!  I didn’t realize how nerve racking that part of it would be.  It was brutal!  Every time I went to the next question I wondered if that was the last one.  Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait that long.  My computer shut off at 93 (or maybe it was 94) questions.  Blank screen, and cue Katie’s anxiety level to shoot through the roof!  Then, if this whole process wasn’t cruel enough, I had to answer evaluation questions.  I couldn't even tell you what those questions were about.  I flew through them and just wanted to get the heck out of there!  Once I was done, I calmly walked out of the testing center.  What to do now?!  I was near a Whole Foods, so I parked and just sat in my car for a  few.  I texted Erin and my family to say that I was done and that I was 100% sure I failed.  I had zero confidence.  I felt defeated.  It was awful.  I hoped I would have some relief once I was done, but no such luck.  So, I headed into Whole Foods for a quick walk around.  It was too overwhelming.  I left and remembered I had a DD gift cert.  I drove to DD, went inside and ordered a pumpkin latte and a half dozen donuts.  My plan was (not to eat all 6 donuts!) to head to my brother and soon to be SIL’s house and make them eat donuts with me.  Unfortunately, they were working, so I

went home.

I put on some mindless TV and ate my pumpkin donut and drank my (way too sweet) pumpkin latte.  It was delicious.  I tried to nap, but my mind was racing.  There were so many things I had wanted to do when I was trying to study, but now that I had the time, I just wanted to sulk.  I was texting a few more people, including my advisor.  She was convinced I passed after I told her I was convinced I failed and had 93/94 questions.  She then said she has heard people getting same day results.  I thought that was crazy, but I still obsessively checked the state website. 

Erin came home around 5 and we headed down to my brother and SIL’s house for dinner.  My sister also joined us a bit later.  We ordered an insane amount of Chinese food.  Good thing my appetite was slowly coming back.  We hung out there for a  bit, but around 930, Erin and I were exhausted and headed home. 

The next day I spent my morning and early afternoon being the research assistant.  The NP, a med student and I were able to gather the rest of the data!  It went quick, which I was pretty happy about.  I wanted to go home and try to relax.  All I could think about was NCLEX and getting my results!  Once I was home, we went back to E and H’s house for left over Chinese.  It was yummy!  We then went home and watched tv the rest of the evening!  It was pretty great.

The next morning, I was wide awake at 6:30am.  I checked the state website…nothing, which I expected.  I then checked the testing site, and it still said my results were unavailable.  My friends told me to check 48 hours from when I had finished the test and I should be able to purchase early results.  It was $8, and you better believe I had planned on paying for early results.  I kept checking and nothing.  My stomach was doing flips!  Erin woke up and started doing some school work.  I checked again around 9:30am ( I think I finished the test around 10am).  To my surprise, my results were available to purchase.  Cue major freak out!  Erin was excited and said, get it! Do it!  I laid on the couch, feeling my heart racing, and just stared at my phone.  I didn’t know what to do. The longer I wait, the more nervous I would get, but at least I didn’t know I failed.  I also didn’t know if I had passed.  I was in limbo and somewhat safe.  Well, after about 20 minutes of sheer agony, I grabbed my debit card.  Erin and I had plans later that day to visit with a family I used to nanny for.  Before getting my results, I told Erin, if I failed, plans were going to be cancelled.  I put in my card info, shaking the entire time.  There were a couple screens I had to go though.  Then, all of a sudden, I saw it, “PASS.”  I could hardly believe it!  I shouted “I PASSED!! I PASSED” to Erin.  She ran over to hug me and to see for herself!  Holy crap!  I passed my nursing boards!  I am now an RN!!  It didn’t feel real!  I called my parents and my brother and sister.  They were thrilled for me!  Erin called her family to say I passed and to explain why she lied about my test date for me (sorry Fitzs!).  I texted my nursing school friends, and my advisor.  I then, of course, let everyone else know via Facebook, with my new credentials after my name.  It was quite an amazing feeling!

The next morning, I checked the state website and saw my name, my license number and Registered Nurse listed J  How crazy is that!  I still think it really hasn’t sunk in.  I am looking forward to celebrating sometime soon!  Friday night we are having dinner with our best buds and their twins.  I can’t wait!!

A Look Back

I started this post about a month ago...lets edit some and I will continue with it :)

September 25...holy crap I graduated just about two months ago!  Where does the time go??  I just asked Erin why July didn't go by that quickly?

So, I graduated on a Tuesday and that Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I spent 21 hours in the lecture hall for NCLEX review.  I was exhausted.  I think I was physically, mentally and emotionally drained.  I know I got something out of that study session, but I am struggling to recall any of that now.  After that exhausting and exciting week, I took some time off to sleep, clean the house, relax, watch mindless television, take a week trip to the beach and a week trip to Michigan!  I did get some not so serious study time in, including reading my pharmacology notebook on the beach!  In all seriousness, I need to focus and spend the next few weeks with my nose back in my nursing notes and laptop.  Hooray!

I am still in awe that I actually finished nursing school.  How in the world did I do that?!?!  Oh yeah, with my HUGE support system behind me!  Thank you my wonderful family and friends.  I am in awe with my wife as well.  She put up with me like a champ and never once complained.  In this month since I have been done, she did say how hard that last month was.  It was the only time her mom actually noticed that she was stressed.  Poor Erin, I am so lucky she is so so good to me!

The month of August was pretty great.  I was enjoying time with Erin and time with our families.  The first thing Erin and I did was celebrate my birthday :)  It was crazy to think that a whole year had gone by!  The year before, I had clinical all day, followed by a sushi dinner with my girl.  I also got the greatest gift of sharing my birthday with some pretty special twins!  Can't believe they are a year old already!!  This year, Erin and I had breakfast from a little diner near us with Erik and Helene.  We then headed to the city to walk around, shop a little and have a delicious sushi lunch.  We stopped over to wish the twins a happy birthday on our way back form the city and for dinner, Erin and I ordered from our fave Indian take out restaurant.  Clearly my day was shaped around my meals.  It was wonderful!!

mmmm sushi

Driving with my Erin

A little ring dish we found at a boutique shop :)

Happy birthday cupcake from my bud :)

Cheers to 33 years!  I can't wait to see what this year has in store!

 After the day of celebrating, Erin and I headed to the beach for a week with Erin's family.  The beach week was great!  I was definitely more relaxed and tried to let it sink in that I was done with nursing school.  I didn't have classes to worry about starting up in the fall.  That was the first time that was happening since 2010!  That was somewhat hard to adjust to.  I talked with Erin's dad a lot about that feeling.  Not really tom compare my situation to his.  He just retired from 40 some years of teaching and being a guidance counselor.  He wasn't really able to describe the feeling either!  Haha my lack of school starting in the fall was a mere 4 years, his was over 40!!

Sitting (for a couple hours) in dreaded shore traffic

Finally in Sea Isle!!

A night of Putt Putt...um, I mean Mini Golf ;)

This lil dude LOVES watermelon!

A quick shot of Bev and Jack waiting in the long line for a delicious  seafood dinner :)

Watching the sunrise :)  Erin, you are so tiny!

After a week at the beach, Erin and I had a few days at home to unpack, relax, and snuggle with our pup.  Before we knew it, we were packing again for our trip to Michigan.  We were flying out of a small airport in Wilmington.  It was only $200 for both of us round trip!  Sounds too good to be true, right!?  Oh, it sure was!  We left at 2:30pm to head to the airport.  After numerous delays due to weather and a small toy rocket engine, we finally landed in Detroit a little after midnight...about five hours later than expected.  We got to my parents house around 1:30am...SO we could have driven and made it there quicker.  Ridiculous!  Overall we had a great visit.  Erin and I walked for some exercise around my neighborhood where I remember bike riding.  We visited some great friends, had some great friends visit us and went to a wedding.  I also saw the family I used to nanny, which is always a treat!  Here are some pictures from the trip.

Trying to pass the time on the loooong delay.

My little Gram and me :)

A couple pics from the wedding!

I also came across these gems...

No Erin, I am not posting the others, they are far too embarrassing!

After we got back from Michigan, we enjoyed a week of summer at home!  I didn't want to see another suitcase for a long time.  We really only had that one week together before Erin had to head back to school.  I can't really remember what we did.  Caught up on shows, clean up the yard, hang and walk the pup, visit with friends and all the cute little babies and toddlers in our world, and just enjoyed having time together.  The weekend before Erin went back to school, we had another wedding to go to!

Personalized glasses, so fun :)

So, after a fun-filled and BUSY August, it was back to reality.  Erin started school actually the last week of August (just teacher days) and then with kiddos the day after Labor Day.  I then got my act together and got a lot more serious about studying for the dreaded NCLEX.  I met up with some school friends for lunch and they advised me to schedule my exam sooner than later as the dates were filling up!  I also thought once I had a date, it would really be the motivation I needed to really focus and have a plan for effective studying.

I finally received my ATT, or authorization to test.  I had to call the state office because it had been weeks and I still didn't have the code so I could schedule my exam.  Well, of course, I forgot a step so I was the hold-up!  Once I got that situated, I received the ATT within an hour!  I logged in to Pearson Vue and found the test site closest to me and looked for available dates.  I chose a Friday morning, three weeks ahead.  September 19 was my day.  I could have picked between 8am and 2pm.  Without a moments hesitation, I picked 8am.  I am always up so early and if I had hours and hours to wait for that exam, I would have for sure had a nervous breakdown.  I was scared, but also had a sense of relief to know that in three weeks it would be over.  Well at least the first time taking the test would be over.  I was barely convinced I had a chance to pass this exam.

I spent my days following the study plan from the review course from ATI.  This program we used throughout the program and then had many practice tests to go through to prep for NCLEX.  I was also convinced I had to do Kaplan, but it was $400 for the prep course and access to all the practice questions.  I struggled with this and after talking to Erin a lot and my advisor, I opted not to take Kaplan.  I believe my advisor said, "take that $400 and take Erin away for a weekend!"  At first, I was very comfortable with this decision.  As the test got closer, I was second guessing it and this added to my stress and panic.  Awesome.  I just kept chugging away at practice questions.  Three of my closest friends passed NCLEX in the couple weeks before my exam.  I was thrilled for them, but just felt more pressure to make sure I would pass.  I talked with one of my friends about a week after she took the exam.  She was helpful in telling me how she felt once the test was over.  She felt awful, 100% thought she failed and just didn't feel she had prepared enough.  I felt worse after hearing all this!  Although, it was information that I already knew.  It was just hard hearing it from my friend who sat by me through this whole program.  It was something else to hear it from past graduates that I didn't know at all.  I am not sure if that makes any sense.  I was stressed to the max!

The week before I took NCLEX was my first day with the nurse practitioner and my role as research assistant.  It was great!  It was a long day, and after a few hiccups with my log in to the computer system, and getting my badge and a TB test, we got to work.  I spent about nine hours there and we barely made a dent in the data collection!  The NP told me to take the following week to focus on NCLEX (cue more stress) and we could plan to meet up after I took the test.  Literally, right after I took the test.  I was scheduled to go back to the hospital the day after my exam!  At least it would be a distraction.

One cool thing, I had the TB test done at the hospital and the  nurse told me I could just have a friend (who is a nurse) read the results and just fax the form back.  SO, I called my friend who had just passed her exam to read the test and sign.  I believe this was her first act as a licensed RN!  That was pretty cool.

I was now a week before the test.  The Friday before my exam, I got up and drove the route to the testing site to see what traffic was like and to ensure I knew where I was going.  One less worry for the day of the test.  I kept my test date quiet as I didn't want to have people know when I took the test in the event I failed.  I was terrified of failing and the thought of having to tell everyone I failed would be of pure embarrassment.  I told my brother and sister, because the asked and I couldn't straight up lie.  Clearly, Erin knew, although I am sure she would have loved to have been anywhere else the week before my exam!  I was by no means pleasant to be around (that might be a bit of an understatement).  The week of the exam, I took more practice tests.

The day before the exam, I met with another friend who had just passed the exam for breakfast.  I forced myself to try to eat at least half of my omelet and toast.  She gave me the logistics of the testing site, what to expect before and after the test.  It was helpful to know where to turn after I got off the elevator, what to bring, and a couple ideas of what to do after the exam to help calm my nerves.  After our meeting, I headed home and got right back to work of going through practice questions.  I read the rationales of all answers, right and wrong, just to get any and all information into my brain.  My plan was to work until Erin came home and at that point I would be done studying and focus more on relaxing.  Well, I should have stuck to that plan.  When Erin got home, I was a mess.  I was breaking down and just wanted to give up.  She convinced me to go to the festival in our neighborhood for a little bite to eat and to try and help me relax.  I reluctantly went, but was glad for a change of scenery once we got there.  My stomach was in knots, so I didn't eat anything from all the delicious food trucks.  I did get a beer that I shared with Erin,  I knew I didn't want a full beer, too afraid it would mess my stomach up more.  After about an hour at the festival and visiting with friends and their adorable kiddos, we walked home.  I was so scared and decided that it would be a good idea to do a few more practice questions.  Erin, the wonderful wife that she is, even went through some questions with me.  (seriously, how did I get so lucky to have the most amazing wife in the world).  I forced myself to eat a yogurt and some fruit when I got home.  I hadn't eaten anything since the omelet at 9:30am.  It was now about 8pm!  The lack of food was certainly not helping my mood and stress level.  WE went through about 30 questions.  I was getting so many wrong for all the wrong reasons!  I lost it.  Complete breakdown. I wanted to quit everything.  After about 30 questions, I finally gave up and headed to bed.  I should have never looked at any more questions!!  After I got into bed, I listened to a session of mindfulness from one of my previous clinical instructors.  It focused on breathing and helped me to relax.  It was only about 20 minutes long and I was fast asleep after that was over.  Whew!

Graduation!

Well, that was a long break from blogging!  Here are some photos from GRADUATION!!

Countdown...ya done!

My wonderful family :)

Some how I was first in line to walk in!

Off to celebrate!

What an amazing (and delicious) cake!

Hopefully this will be true very soon :)

Graduation was wonderful.  It was a beautiful ceremony.  I was so lucky to have my whole family there to support me.  After the graduation was a short reception.  It was overwhelming and chaotic, so I didn't get to see many friends.  It was all so surreal.  Maybe some of that had to do with the fact we had to be back at school the three days after graduation for NCLEX review.  After the reception, we went to a delicious dinner and Erin's parents joined us.  After dinner, Erin had that amazing cake brought out!  I was shocked! It was so cool!  One of my friends was also at the restaurant with her family, and they were all amazed at my cake as well (maybe even a bit jealous ;)  

Overall, graduation was wonderful.  It went by so quick.  I loved seeing my classmates all dressed up and meeting some of their family.  I wish it hadn't been so chaotic and we would have had more of a chance to talk.  I was so glad my family was there and got to meet some of my friends and professors.  I am one lucky lady to have had such a strong support system behind me for those 14 months.  My biggest supporter is my Erin.  She was amazing and I think I will need to spend at least the next 14 months supporting her :)  I have already promised her my first 14 months of pay checks WHEN I get my first nursing job!

I will update more on what I have been up to this past month...soon!

Graduation Tomorrow

Tomorrow is graduation!  How crazy is that!?  It still really doesn't feel real.  Maybe part of me is not letting myself fully comprehend that I am at the end because I do not yet have my final grade.  Fingers crossed I did actually pass this last semester!!

This weekend has been fun and busy.  My parents are in town, my mom is staying with Erin and me and my dad is down the street with my brother and soon to be sister-in-law.  Tomorrow, my dad is going to help me replace brake lights in my car and my mom and I are going to get a mani/pedi.  I am excited!  Today, I made my mom go with me to a few stores to find shoes to wear tomorrow.  I figured flip flops were not appropriate foot wear with my dress/graduation.  I am beyond picky about shoes, so we went all over!  Good thing my mom has so much patience and was willing to go store to store (and buy my shoes for me!)

I am feeling that nervous excitement.  I will be glad to see all my school friends tomorrow.  It will also be fun to see everyone all dressed up and to meet their families!  All the people that were behind the scenes as our #1 supporters :)  They all deserve this graduation celebration as much as all of us graduates!

Off to bed to try and get some good sleep.  My neck has started hurting again.  I have a feeling if it is from stress, I am screwed because I am not sure when I will be low stress again.  (NCLEX, applications, interviews, and a job...oh my!)

Countdown continues...

We are down to only hours people!  No more days left!!!!!!

Nursing School...Ya Done!

Nursing school is OVER!!!  

I finished my last class on Thursday evening.  Well, "class" was just standing around, having a few snacks and playing with my classmate's adorable 10 month old little baby.  The professor was causing me to panic with all this tips for jobs, interviews, using Linked In, and further education.  He more or less tells you like it is and sometimes I take that as way too overwhelming.  I would like someone to just tell me everything will be alright and fall into place.  That is what my Erin is for ;)

Anyways, I am done with classes and exams and projects and papers and care plans and clinical and my uniform and early morning alarms and packing my lunch...for now.  This weekend is all about relaxing and zero work on school stuff of studying.  My parents are flying in this evening and I am cooking three Indian dishes to have for dinner.  It is so great to be able to cook without school work looming over my head.  I will save that for next week.  This weekend is going to be hanging out with my family and celebrating my dad's 60th birthday and my upcoming sister's 29th birthday.  Tuesday is graduation (so I will steal the focus back to ME!) I plan to go with my mom to get our nails done at a place that does a mani/pedi for only $25 on Tuesdays...perfect!  After graduation on Tuesday, we will all go out to dinner, which I am really looking forward to.  We are trying a new restaurant by my school.  After dinner we will come home and I will be back at school bright and early and 8am (or is it 9am?) for the first day of a three day ATI test review.  This is all prep for the dreaded NCLEX.  Sigh.  At least it's only three days.  i hope to get a lot out of it.  After that review, I will give myself the weekend, then start my scheduled days of working out and devoting time to go through practice questions.  They recommend we do 3,000-5,000 questions before we sit for NCLEX.  Hooray!  What a great way to spend the rest of my summer!!  I will also have to start the scary process of applying to jobs.  Ahhhhhhhh!  Now I am actually going to have to be a nurse!  That terrifies me beyond belief.

I am not yet believing that I am actually done with school.  Probably because 1) I haven't gotten my final grades yet (so hopefully I passed).  2) I have a lot of work ahead of me with studying and applying for jobs. 3) it just doesn't seem real that I actually completed this 14 month nursing program!  It's bittersweet as I know I will miss seeing all my friends on a regular basis.   A few of my closest friends and I have already begun making plans to see each other :)  That makes me feel better.

Yesterday, on my first official day off from everything, Erin and I made the drive out near the Poconos to visit some of our friends.  We sat pool side sipping strawberry daiquiris and took a couple dips in the pool.  I got some really funky burn lines which I am hoping fade before graduation.  Then we headed to our friend's new hair salon where I got many inches chopped off my hair.  I LOVE it!  My hair had gotten ridiculously long.  After the salon, we went out to a delicious Italian dinner, which was lots of fun.  On our drive home, Erin and I almost hit a deer.  It was so scary, but thankfully we didn't hit the bastard.  He ran right out in front of us but luckily kept running.  Poor Erin screamed and was shaking bad after, but she held it together and got us home safe!  Whew!

Ok, must get back to work cooking.  I AM DONE WITH NURSING SCHOOL!  Maybe if I keep saying it I will start to believe it!

One More Day

Tomorrow is my last day of nursing school.  I am going to just take a moment to let that sink in...

  

Nope, it still doesn't seem real!  Picture #2 is totally me...what is the lowest grade I can get on this exam tomorrow and STILL pass.  hahahaha You think I'm kidding!

Today, I have done my best at trying to keep myself busy with anything and everything BUT studying.  I briefly looked over some slides this am, but then I washed the sheets in the spare room, washed some extra pillows, went food shopping, cut up a huge watermelon, checked Facebook, played candy crush, ate lunch, had some iced coffee, took the dog out, organized my desk, I mean dining room table, and then decided to write this blog post!  I have been busy!  Oh, I also took about a 10 minute cat nap.  Time to buckle down and actually get some knowledge in my head for MY LAST NURSING SCHOOL EXAM!!!!

Our amazing trends professor switched our schedule so we have our class a whole two hours earlier in the afternoon, right after our first class (with said exam).  Then we have until 5pm to have our ethics class.  We are just meeting to have a party.  I plan to bake some cookies tonight to share with my class.  A group of us are also going to grab a drink between classes which should be a lot of fun!

Yesterday we had our big poster presentations.  They went fine, a lot less intense than I was expecting.  Then we had our trends class and we were done for the day!  Erin and I went out to a new place  (new to us) for dinner, which was nice.  I am realizing AGAIN how simply amazing my Erin is and has been through this whole school process.  I have been a douche at times, and Erin just puts up with me and keeps loving and supporting me.  She is so wonderful.  She may actually be more excited than me about the end of this program!  Right Erin?!

After school I went to look for a graduation dress.  The store I was in had no ac (I think I heard someone say it was broken) so I didn't last all that long.  I bought two dresses and need to get Erin's opinion.  Then I will either wear one of those, or go to one more store to find a dress and some shoes!

Alright, the time has come to study for this last exam.  I feel like I should be more excited...maybe it will kick in after the exam tomorrow.

T-6 days until graduation!  Oh, and I finally picked a place for dinner...and made a reservation.  I can't wait!!

My Last Week!

I am getting so close to being DONE!!  It's surreal and exciting and terrifying and stressful and bittersweet.

Today, I went to campus for what I thought would be maybe an hour or so to put together our poster for the big presentation tomorrow.  Well, four hours later, it was done!  Whew!  I guess I underestimated just a tad.  I should have realized how NOTHING for this project was easy or quick, so why would putting it all together be any different?!  Oh well, it's done and now we just have to present it tomorrow.  I believe all the posters will be on display and faculty and our peers will come around to evaluate and ask us questions.  We also have to dress up.  Awesome.  I love dressing up!  Especially since all my pants are super snug due to my lack of exercise and eating late and night and stress...that's a whole other blog post I may never write ;)

I think it is somewhat hitting me that the end is near.  I am 100000000% excited to be finishing this program (assuming I pass my exam on Thursday! oh and get a passing grade on the crap I turned in for an ethics paper)  I am feeling the stress of these last couple days of class/assignments/exam.  I am also terrified of the next step...applying for jobs, rejection, interviews and actually being a nurse.  I feel like I have been out of practice (aka the hospital actually taking care of patients) for too long!  The next time I am in a hospital will be for a job!  That is beyond terrifying!  The fear of failure rears its ugly head again.  I also have to just give in to the fact that I will be a nervous/anxious mess for years to come!  I hate always feeling this nervous, but I guess if I wasn't nervous, that would be worse?  Ok, moving on, I am stressing myself out more!

I am working on this CITI training and IRB training for this research project I am going to be apart of.  It is taking forever!  That is also stressing me out (shocker), I feel like i should have this training all done by now!  One thing at a time and just breathe.

One week to go!!!!!!

So Close to the End

So, somehow I survived last week.  I really didn't think I would actually finish that ethics paper.  Side note; it was hands down the worst paper I have ever written.  I am scared now I will get an email from my professor telling me it was total crap and I will have to rewrite it!  Fingers crossed that doesn't happen.

So, all I have left to do next week is meet with the Montana group to assemble our poster.  Tuesday we have poster presentations all morning.  Apparently we have to evaluate our peers and the professors will come to each poster and throw questions at us.  Should be a hoot!  Then I have my trends class where I will listen to more student presentations.  Wednesday...I have NOTHING!  Well, just studying for my last exam in this program.  This brings me to Thursday, last exam and poster presentation review followed by trends and then our last ethics class.  We may try to sneak away between classes to grab a beer!  Our ethics professor said we can have a party, he just HAS to have class meet.  I assume there will be zero teaching going on, which is fine by me!  I am going to try and bake something to share with the class :)

This weekend has been great do far!  Erin and I have the whole three days off together.  Last night we went to a movie under the stars put on by our neighborhood ( and had delicious grilled cheeses from a food truck).  We saw Moonstruck.  It was fun!  We hope to make this more of a weekly tradition for the rest of the summer.  Next time, we will pack a picnic dinner!  Today, we went to our fave restaurant in Philly, El Vez with some friends.  Now we are in a food coma and it feels amazing.  Tomorrow, we will head to Erin's niece's house for a BBQ with the family.  Should be fun and great weather!

I cannot believe how close I am to the end.  I need to keep focused and make sure I finish strong.  I can't wait until my family is here next weekend, we have so much to celebrate!!  Birthdays and graduation :)

Omg Two Weeks

Only two weeks left and I graduate!!!