Halfway There

BREAK!!!  This is the beginning of a three week Christmas/semester break.  It is also the longest break I have had in seven months.  AND today is seven months into the 14 month program, so I am halfway done!!! 

I still cannot believe I am actually in nursing school, and not failing!  I owe so much thanks to my ever supporting wife and my family and friends.  Without each and everyone of you on my side, cheering me on, I know I would not be halfway through this program, and succeeding.  The text messages cheering me on exam days, phone calls, pictures of cute babies, and my Erin never turning her back on me despite my extreme moods when the stress is unbearable, are 100% my inspiration and driving force.  THANK YOU!!!

Now that I have finished my three final exams, I wait for my final grades to post.  Once this happens, I can fully relax.  Although, after waking up with Erin at six am and saying good-bye as she heads to work for her last day before break as well (in a really, really unattractive ugly sweater), I fell back asleep until 8:00am!  So, I am definitely a bit more relaxed :) 

Today's agenda is NO STUDYING!!!  I am going to run a few errands, start my list of ingredients I will need for all the holiday baking and meal preparing happening this weekend.  I can't wait!!

Ok, I am SICK of staring at the laptop, so I am off to enjoy not being plugged in and off to enjoy my bit of freedom!!

Thanks again for all your support and sticking with me!

Last Week and Final Exams

Whew!  The last week of the fall semester has reared it's ugly head.  Back to back to back finals this week.  I am dreading every minute of this torture.  I am also finding it hard to stay focused on my studying for more that 10  minutes at a time.  Must power through!!  I keep reminding myself, just get through (and pass) these finals and then three whole glorious weeks of FREEDOM!!!!  Including Christmas, time with my family, time with my lovely Erin, no studying (or guilt for not studying) and many, many hours in the car!  All I want to do now is read recipes and plan for the Christmas goodies and meals I plan to make.  That will begin Thursday evening after my pharm exam.

Here is my line-up this week:
Tuesday Med Surge at 11:30am
Wednesday Nursing 1101 at 8:30am
Thursday Pharmacology at 5:00pm

I got this!! (I hope!)  Ok, enough of the distraction from my blog...must get back to the power point slides.  Only have about 5,872,932 to go through ;)

And because I needed a few more minutes of distraction...

And back to the grind!

Study Up

Another week has come to an end.  While this week didn't have a crisis, like my previous week, it still had it's moments.  I thoroughly enjoyed my snow day (and secretly hope it's not my last!), but was back to the grind the next morning.  I was up by 4:20am to get ready for my last clinical day.  I gave myself a solid 10 minutes to warm up and scrape my car.  By 5:15 I was outside, freezing and probably waking up my neighbors while I scraped my car.  My carpool buddy arrived at 5:30 and we stopped at DD to grab some munchkins for the floor.  We had almost a full clinical day.  I was given a patient who was in a fair amount of pain which translated to not very talkative or overly cooperative.  I kept remembering what a previous student told me, "it's a hospital, not a hotel."  The things I was requiring this patient to do was all for his own good, to help him improve and to help get him out of the hospital sooner.  I tried not to take his mood personally.  It is a skill I need to work on.  I was working with a newer nurse.  She was great.  She took time to explain procedures and the steps she took.  She was very empathetic as she only graduated from nursing school three short years ago.  This made me feel a lot more comfortable and gave me hope that my extreme stress, fear, lack of confidence and my knowledge will all get better...in time!  Our patient also needed to have a Foley catheter inserted.  My instructor was in the room as well as the nurse and I was given morning meds.  The patient required a bladder scan to assess if he needed the catheter.  Bladder was full, the catheter was required.  I simply stated, "um, yeah, I would love to observe."  Both my instructor and the nurse stopped, looked at me and said, "oh no, you're doing it!"  Their reasoning was, I would only be more intimidated and nervous if I don't do it in clinical and once I am a nurse, I would be used and abused when it got out that I had yet to insert a Foley on my own.  Thankfully, we got right to it, so I didn't have a ton of time to get more nervous.  The nurse assisted me and walked me through the procedure.  I was able to maintain my sterile field and easily insert the catheter.  I was lucky, as putting a catheter in a man is a lot easier than in a woman.  I felt more confident and so glad I had the opportunity!

The rest of the day sort of dragged on.  I was ready to be done and wanted to get home to finish cramming for our med surge exam.  We left the floor around three and then individually met with our instructor for our final evaluation.  It was pretty anticlimactic.  I earned an A-, which also gets averaged with our psych clinical, so for the fall, my clinical grade is an A-.  Not too shabby and so glad to be done with med surge!!  Next up, pediatrics!!!

Yesterday was our med surge exam.  I was again, terrified and beyond nervous.  I got to school about an hour early and met up with a small group and joined their study session.  I have found, talking through concepts and ideas right before the exam has helped me numerous times.  This exam followed suite.  I know I was able to easily answer a handful of test questions solely from our 30 minute discussion.  The exam wasn't as bad as I was envisioning.  Our med surge instructors are on the ball.  After the last student finishes the exam, the are quickly sent off to be graded.  We then get to come into the lecture hall and go through the exam with all the answers and the rationale for each answer.  We had our last pharmacology lecture right after the exam review and within about a half hour, our exam grades were posted!  I passed, I was hoping for a higher grade, BUT, I expected a much lower grade, so I was thrilled :)  Our pharm lecture went over a bit, so by 8:30 I was losing my mind and had totally tuned out.  Lectures are all done for the semester!!  Now all that is left is to study and study more and then when I think I have had enough, STUDY MORE!!  I have three exams in three days.  Up first is our cumulative psych and med surge final, only worth 40% of our final grade.  No pressure!  That is on Tuesday.  Wednesday we have our nursing class final.  This course was mostly online, and then student taught by student group presenters.  We are all in a temporary panic about how and what to study for this exam.  Finally, our pharmacology final is on Thursday night.  I am dreading that one, but good news, we get to use our drug guides AND the excel spreadsheets our professor has posted for review for us.  I am not sure I can do as well on this exam, but I am sure going to try!
One exam at a time, so my focus this weekend will be to go through all of our power point slides from September through December in psych and med surge.  Ready....GO!

Snow Day!

Hooray!!!  School was closed due to a fast and furious snowfall this morning.  It was glorious to receive the email from our course leader explaining that even though the school wasn't closed (yet), she was postponing our med surge exam until Thursday.  About a half hour later, school was closed.  I immediately put down my computer and gave up reading power point slides for awhile.  I will resume studying after dinner this evening, until I go to bed...blah.

I woke up to Erin's phone ringing at 5:30am letting her know she too had a snow day.  For the next two hours I was calling the hotline to my school, checking for emails and the constantly logging on to the website to see if I would also be cancelled.  I knew it had to be coming, every school around us was closed and the roads were covered. 

Once I knew school was closed for the day, I went out to shovel, which was useless as what I shoveled was quickly covered back up.  Erin and I went out again later on to clean our cars and shovel more.  It looks like we have have gotten about 4-5".  We spent the day watching some Dexter, listening to Christmas music, baking bread and knitting.  Erin got a nice long nap in and I snoozed, with my computer on my lap, for about 10 minutes.  I hope I am nice and tired later to go to bed early as I know I will have clinical bright and early tomorrow!

Tomorrow is my last advanced med surge clinical day!  I believe my car pool buddy and I may drive in and stop to get donuts for the staff.  I am glad to be ending this rotation and can't believe it's my third one!  I am just so excited to start peds and then OB!! 

I am off to enjoy this last extra bit of my free day off :) Here are a few shots from the snow day!

Disconnected

What a week this has been.  Even though I am still riding the high from my pharm grade, this week was pretty stressful.  It had many ups and downs (sadly more downs) but it's over!  One huge up was when our pharm professor told us last night our final quiz we are not taking and he is just giving us the 20 points.  So it's as if we all got 100% on the final quiz!  We gave him a round of applause :)  It was great!

So, this week was the first week back from a mini break for Thanksgiving.  I actually had something to do all five days this week (this was not a bad thing, just something I am realizing as I type this).  Monday bright and early we had our lab day...which I think I already posted about.  In a nutshell, it's always the same.  We "work on our skills" and I translate that to let's go get put in a scenario with a fake patient (sometimes real people/actors, most times a mannequin) and feel completely useless, inadequate and stressed.  This lab day met all my expectations.  Thankfully we were only in lab for a couple hours.  The rest of the day I spent working on my resume and my big final care plan.  That night, I set my alarm and went to bed.  I heard Erin get up and go to work at 6:15am.  I am ALWAYS an early riser and typically stay awake after Erin leaves.  I had my alarm set for 7am so I could get up, relax a bit, eat breakfast and make it to campus by 10:30 to hear some speakers before the job fair began.  Well, I rolled over and felt a little too rested.  Yeah, it was 9:30!  I quickly grabbed my phone, which was plugged in on my nightstand, thinking how did I miss my alarm!?  Well, my phone was off and wouldn't turn on.  I jumped up, grabbed my computer and tried to get my phone on via iTunes.  I quickly showered and got ready to head to school.  I was attending a job fair, so I had to be a tad fancy.  Blah.  I got my phone on for about 30 seconds and it said it was Wednesday Dec. 31 at 7:02pm.  Did I warp to the future??  I was wishing at that moment I would have!  Finals would be done!!  My phone quickly shut off and then only when it was plugged in would flash the apple icon and shut off again.  This was not looking good.  So, in my frazzled state, I get to school and meet up with my friend to go through the different hospital recruiters and try to sell myself.  I was asked for my resume by a few different hospitals and asked some good (in my opinion) questions for someone who is not quite halfway through this program.  It was overwhelming and scary and kind of exciting.  We were told by a few different hospitals that because of the timing and length of our program, we are not eligible to work as a nurse extern.  That is somewhat disappointing, but it is what it is.  These positions are geared for traditional nursing students that are in a four year program.  So a hospital will train them (typically the summer before their senior year) and then have them for a year to work as an extern.  The great thing about this is you already have your foot in the door and typically get hired as an RN once you graduate and pass your boards.  Just another challenge for us as students in an accelerated program.  The overall consensus was that hospitals are hiring graduate nurses, so I just need to perfect my resume, do my research when I apply, brush up on my non-existent interview skills and hope for the best!!
      After the job fair, we had a bit of time to kill before our class.  My friend gave me this great little gift.  It's a name badge holder with my name on it.  It was so sweet and made my day (since so far my day had been stressful and I was so frazzled).  We then went to class to listen to the last of the student presentations, which was also the last meeting of this course!  Following that class we had med/surge lecture, which was about three hours and pretty uneventful.  I was thinking about my phone situation and wondering what I was going to do.  While in class, I take notes on my laptop, so I have access to my email if needed.  I also check Facebook on breaks.  Now, about five or six hours into no phone, I was realizing the sad truth.  I am addicted to my phone.  It was a harsh reality, but one I finally came to accept.  I was shopping around online to see how to get the best deal on a new phone.  We were up for our two year upgrade, so that was a plus.  I was under the (wrong) impression we could go in and get a free iPhone 5c.  I told Erin and we planned to go to the store when I got home.  Our lecture in med surge ran over by a half an hour so I was late getting home.  We quickly ran to the store to discover, no we cannot get free phones, that deal is only for brand new customers.  Too bad being loyal to the company for 10+ years doesn't get you such great deals.  I cannot be so spontaneous and just buy a phone (for $100) on the spot, so I convinced Erin to let me think it over for a night.  So we get home, I still have no phone, and still have this huge care plan to finish and it is now eight!  I have to be up by five am to catch the train to clinical.  I was beginning to panic, but thankfully I had a good chunk of the care plan done.  So I sit down, and search for the saved file.  It. Was. Nowhere. To. Be. Found.  Commence complete panic attack and mental breakdown.  I didn't know what to do.  This was one of my worst nightmares coming true!  I also knew, even if I stayed up all night to finish this it wouldn't happen before I had to be at clinical by 6:45am.  I lost it...poor Erin had to deal with my insanity yet again.  I quickly emailed a classmate for my instructor's phone number and called her to explain what my situation was.  She told me to go to bed at some point, otherwise I would be useless in clinical.  I could turn in what I could finish tonight, then after clinical, go home and finish the rest and send it via email.  Deep breath, I could make this work.  I didn't want to, but I knew I had to.  I downloaded the template, the 16+ page template I had to fill in with all of my patient info.  I was starting over and I hated every second of it.  I wanted to scream, throw my computer and just quit.  Obviously, I didn't and just started at the beginning.  About an hour into the new care plan, I went to save the file to my clinical folder in my computer.  As I was typing the document name, a drop down box appeared and my first care plan (the missing file) appeared.  I quickly saved what I had done and went back to open a file and typed in the first file's name and there it was!!  Well, most of it, I did lose some of my work, but a good chunk was there.  It was in some random temporary folder (that I cannot find to this day).  I had done a full search of my computer and it never appeared.  Long story, somewhat short, I finished my care plan at 12:45am, and was in bed by 1am.  I was pretty hyped up, and again realized how addicted I am to my phone.  I usually will check email, play a game, or look on Facebook and Instagram before I fall asleep.  That night, since I was so stressed, and I didn't have my phone, I started counting backwards from 100...I did that twice and eventually fell asleep.  Erin and I were both rudely awoken by my old school alarm clock at 5am!  I was exhausted, but adrenalin got me right up! 

I caught the train at six am and had a full clinical day.  I also proudly turned in my 17 page care plan and never want to look at that thing again!  While in clinical (when I reached for my pocket to gram my phone that wasn't there to look up a medication...about three times throughout the day) I again had the realization how dependent I am on my phone.  I rationalized both addiction and just good sense when it came to my phone.  For example, I do not NEED to know what people are posting on Facebook and Instagram during the day, I am just curious.  I do not NEED to play words with friends, but I enjoy it. I didn't HAVE to use my friend's phone to text Erin to tell her what train I was on, but it sure made the rest of the evening run smoothly.  I also missed checking in with my Erin during the day.  But, Tuesday, when Erin had already left for work hours earlier,(here come my "good sense" idea) and I was heading out to my car I had the fleeting thought, what if my car doesn't start?  I would be screwed! We have no land line phone, and the neighbors I do know were all at work.  Also, walking to the train in the dark at 5:55am, what if I was mugged, I couldn't call 911!  These are the crazy (or not so crazy) thoughts that run through my head. 
After clinical (and when Erin came to pick me up at the train station right on time because I had used my friend's phone to text her!) we went to get new phones.  Merry Christmas to us!  (Thank you Erin, you are beyond wonderful to me!!) So, I am back from my momentary disconnect and love my new, faster phone.   Wednesday was drastically better than Tuesday, despite being so tired.  After Erin and I got new phones, we met some friends for a late dinner which was a great way to end a long day.

Thursday, I was up without my alarm at 7am, go figure.  I spent the morning reading slides and doing a required practice test for my med surge class.  Thursday was our last med surge lecture!!!  Now, we just have an exam this coming Tuesday and then our cumulative (psych and med surge) final exam the following Tuesday.  I have a good amount of studying ahead of me.  Today, the school held a test review session, which I actually found pretty helpful.  Erin and I are just relaxing and catching up this evening, which has been wonderful.  Here's to a relaxing and low key weekend!  Only two more weeks of this semester :)

96

FINALLY, our pharm exam grades were posted and somehow I got a 96%!  Hallelujah!!  I have no idea how I did that well!  Not a huge fan of posting my grades because I know grades aren't everything, but I wanted to brag about this one!  Woo hoo!!  I am sure we will hear more about the exam this Thursday during class.  He probably threw out a question or two (he did on the first exam).  Talk about leaving us all in suspense...cruel! I have been so stressed out and thankfully I didn't need to be so stressed.

Today, I had another traumatic lab day.  We have these simulations and I go into a panic and any information that I did have in my head flies right out the window.  My clinical instructor is so great so she made us feel a tad better.  Critical care, I think I am over you!  I still cannot wait to get into pediatrics and ob/gyn!!  

It is crazy that it's December already!  Only two more weeks of classes and clinical then a week of finals and I am done for three whole weeks!!!  I cannot wait!  I am counting down the days until freedom :)  We will be spending our Christmas with my side of the family in Michigan and Kentucky...super excited to go home, but dreading that long car ride.

Tomorrow they are putting on a job fair in the nursing school.  I am in the process of updating my resume, and planning an outfit to wear.  Sadly, my dress pants are getting a big snug.  I blame stress eating!!  I also plan to google some ideas for what to ask at a job fair.  We received emails about this fair awhile ago, so it's appropriate I am waiting until the last possible moment to get prepped!  I also recently signed up to attend a student nursing workshop and interview workshop over the Christmas break. I will have to post about those after I attend.

I am off to make dinner for Erin and myself; and by make dinner I mean reheat last nights dinner!

I am still smiling ear to ear about my pharm grade!!!! :)

Stress Relief

*I started this post last Friday; I'll pick up where I left off!
I am trying to come down from the extreme anxiety pharmacology and those exams cause me.  Last night, after I took the exam, I came home, made a quick dinner for Erin and I, and we watched a show.  I was winding down, realizing my grade probably won't be posted for a few days.  Then, my good friend from school starts messaging me about all the questions she wasn't sure about and how she was looking them up and thinking she had more wrong than she originally thought.  This sent my stress and anxiety level right through the roof!  She is my go to person for questions, aka a smarty pants!  I know I get a few wrong, but it is impossible to remember all the questions and what I answered.  Needless to say, my stress level shot right back up!

So now I sit, this cold and rainy Wednesday morning.  Typically I am in clinical on Wednesdays, about two hours into my shift by this time (8:30am) but today, I am in my pjs, next to my snoozin' pup googling recipes!  I wish I could say my stress level was at a 0, but no such luck.  We have yet to receive our grades for pharm exam #2.  My stomach has been a mess these last few days.  I am 99% sure it is all stress related.  I am trying to take deep breaths and relax.  I SHOULD workout as this is usually helpful, but lack all motivation at this point.  I am more interested in baking Thanksgiving goodies!!  I also have a few projects due for school next week.  A short paper I should have done weeks ago, but I put it off, per usual.  It's a two page paper on cultural care and should be interesting.  I also have a huge care plan to do for clinical.  That I am dreading just because it will be long and tedious.  Deep breaths.

We had some more sad news in my family.  My beloved great aunt, Sister (she was a nun) passed away.  She was 89 years young and we now picture her surrounded by her family, surely playing a mean game of poker.  I have such wonderful memories of my aunt (who we all called Sister or "the nun").  The college I attended was connected to where Sister lived.  I was a frequent visitor to the nuns dining hall as they had way better food.  Sister always sent me home with as much food/snacks as I could carry.  She was also always encouraging me to bring friends to dinner with us.  Sister was wonderful.  She was a spitfire and one of the most loving and generous people I have ever known.  I often joke with my mom that Sister was a preview of her in 30 years.  They have very similar dispositions, demeanor and are all around wonderful people.  My poor mom is very sad, but glad that Sister isn't suffering.  Sister was one of nine children.  Times like this make me sad that I live so far away from my family.  I briefly looked into flights home, but being the busiest travel weekend of the year, the prices were unreal.  With a lab day this coming Monday, it is impossible for me to go home to attend her funeral.  I believe my brother is going, which I am glad, for my mom's sake.  I know I have someone else looking out for me now.

I am sure my unsettled stomach is due to stress and sadness.  This too shall pass.

I am off to pick my favorite recipes for pumpkin cheesecake, apple spice cookies, spiced nuts, pumpkin bread and maybe a few new ones for our family Thanksgiving tomorrow!  We will be spending this holiday with my wonderful wife's family.  My sister is staying local and joining us (and making her AMAZING mac and cheese).  She will be heading over this evening so she can get up early to bake. 

Happy Thanksgiving!  Remember to stay home and out of stores on Thanksgiving Day!  Shop on Friday and support Small Business Saturday!!!  I will be thinking of my mom and all the other poor employees that are stuck leaving their family to go in to work.  It is out of control!!

6 Months

Today, as I wrote the date at the top of my clinical notebook at 6:45am ready to get report on my patient for the day; I realized I have been in nursing school for six months.  Wow.  It's also a little ironic that today may have been my longest day so far.  I left my house at 5:45am (up at 4:45am) and had a full day at the hospital, just shy of our typical 12 hours.  I then drove with my car pool buddy to school to work on a group project and attend a required lecture at 7:30pm.  The lecture, though very interesting and educational, ended at 9:00pm and the last 15 minutes of it I was suffering from ADHD!  Couldn't sit still for anything.  I finally got home at about 9:30pm.  Looooooong day to say the least.  Erin and I had about 10 minutes of being in the same room, just giving snip-its of our respective days to each other.  Erin had a full day of work followed by a long evening of driving to her parents house, having a quick dinner and then a couple hours at the hair salon.  She is beyond exhausted, with a fresh hair do, and I am exhausted smelling of a hospital.  I believe today, in a weird way is a summary of the last six months.

I cannot believe how much I have done, seen, learn, read, sat though, stood, cried, stressed, screamed, wanted to give up, pure excitement, pure exhaustion, and never doubted my desire to be a nurse than I have in the past six months.  184 days into an accelerated nursing program.  I know a HUGE part of me was so doubtful that I would ever make it this far.  Another part of me is still very doubt full I will finish.  A small part of me cannot believe I am in nursing school!!  What a wild ride this has been.  I have been blown away at the amount of knowledge I have been able to fit in my brain (and hopefully have retained a small fraction of it!).  I am not sure how I will fit in more.

Before heading to bed tonight, I am forcing myself to read through more pharmacology slides.  We have our second exam tomorrow.  I am already feeling the extreme test anxiety.  I didn't do great on our first exam, somehow got a 100% on our second quiz and I am hoping with every ounce in me I score better on this second exam.  I do not aim for a 100% on the exam, but an A sure would be amazing!!  I must stay positive, take deep breaths, and relax as I go into the exam tomorrow.  My saving grace is that we are allowed to use our drug guide book.  You better believe I already have that book in my bag ready to go!  Our professor is a nurse practitioner and he believes there is no way to memorize every drug with it's dosage, side effects, etc., and as a nurse we will continue to look up medications we are unfamiliar with.  I have agreed with his philosophy from day one!

I could ramble on and on, but my pharm slides are yelling at me.  184 days down, only 250 more to go!!

Lets hope this is not me tomorrow!

ICU

Yesterday in the hospital, I had my observation day in the surgical intensive care unit.  I was excited simply because the pressure of having my own patient on the step down unit was gone.  Now, I would just be a shadow and see how an ICU nurse handles a patient and watch what they do.  Little did I know, that was only a small portion of what my day had in store for me.

I was brought down to the SICU by my instructor and paired up with a nurse.  My initial reaction was, she really doesn't want a student following her all day.  Luckily, that couldn't have been further than the truth! We started our day getting report from the night nurse.  We only had one patient for the day. (Typically the ICU nurses have 1-2 patients because of how critical they are)  The night nurse was great.  He was so thorough and clearly values his job and really cares about his patients.  He set up the next nurse to be able to walk into her shift, prepared and the patient stable, clean and properly cared for.  After report, we went into the room to check on the patient.  We checked his IV sites and settings, his ventilator to make sure it was set to the right settings, and the overall status of the patient.  Once that was settled, we went to the computer to see what morning medications we wold give.  This was great to see and to experience.  The nurse I was following questioned medications that didn't make sense to her.  She then followed through with these questions and went to the team of doctors (which is convenient because the doctors are on the unit majority of the time). The medication orders were cleared up and we went to administer the medications.  I was the observer for morning meds.  We then had to turn the patient and assess his skin integrity and do a full head to toe assessment.  The nurse stressed to me the importance of seeing every inch of ICU patients skin.  Most of them have numerous tubes and wires and are in bed, lying flat most of the day.  If a patient is laying on a wire or tube, this can cause skin breakdown which leads to a pressure ulcer (bed sore).  This is quite the job for a nurse with a patient who is not fully alert and oriented.  We spent a good while turning the patient, moving his gown and checking in every crevice to make sure there were no signs of skin breakdown.  If there is a spot on a patient, it has to be documented and interventions are taken to prevent it from progressing.  I was very impressed with this patient's care.  This patient, although very sick and bed and chair bound, was very clean, very little skin breakdown; clearly well taken care of.  It was very nice to see.  Throughout the day, the nurse I shadowed, allowed me to partake in patient care.  I was able to administer a few subcutaneous injections, draw up medications, suction a trach tube, and change dressings.  It was great to have the opportunities to help with patient care.  I also was pulled into a couple other rooms with other nurses to observe different procedures.  It was a great learning experience and I felt very welcomed by the staff and nurses.  My day flew by, which was nice because it was a 12 hour day!

During this advanced med surge clinical, I have decided that critical care is probably not for me.  With that being said, after a day in the ICU, I wouldn't completely rule it out.  I also realize I had a very exciting day with a lot of support, so maybe that had something to do with it.  It's on the back burner, along with about 2040359 other things at the moment ;)

This week was also my first med surge exam.  I was beyond nervous!  I studied most of the weekend.  I actually didn't leave the house from Saturday evening until I left for class on Tuesday afternoon.  Sunday and Monday, I literally spent the day at the table, in my sweats, studying. I discovered on our course website, we have the ability to not only listen to the lectures (which I have done previously) but they also videotape the lectures, so I can re-watch lectures, see the power point AND see myself front row center (yeah, I sit in the front row, always).  It was really weird at first, but overall very helpful and beneficial.  I am pretty sure I spent a good 8+ hours were listening to these lectures.  My brain hurts again.

Today, is our pup's 7th birthday!  I am currently making him some homemade pumpkin biscuits.  The house smells wonderful!  Jackson is passed out in his bed snoring away.  Such a life. 

Our sweet pup!

Service With A Smile

Service, a term I am familiar with.  As I sit here tonight, I have a few things going on that I can relate to that word.  Service, what I will provide (hopefully) to my patient tomorrow.  What I will provide to my future patients as a nursing student and as a future RN.  I give a service to my wonderful, supportive, stressed out wife.  Tonight we are sitting at our dining room table, which rarely happens!!  She is typing away prepping for one of many meetings she has coming up.  I do believe her service plays a vital role in many children, parents and other teachers daily lives. Her service may not always come with a smile ;)

Tomorrow I have my second 12 hour shift at the hospital.  I am even more nervous than I was last week.  Although, in the moment it always seems worse.  I now know what I am walking into tomorrow morning at 6:45.  I will catch a 6:05am train to be on the unit by 6:45.  I have a vivid recollection of what last Wednesday was...it's like the first day on a new job.  It's overwhelming, scary, nerve racking, thrilling, and educational.  I really like the patient interaction; conversing and learning about an individual.  I do not like the feelings of inadequacy, nervousness, anxiety, worry and the constant feeling of being in the way and out of place.  A few classmates and I were walking out of school tonight, all sharing these same feelings (at least I am not alone!).  It is as if I am starting a new job every six weeks.  Not a fan!!  We all joked how Tuesday nights are filled with nerves and as we leave the hospital tomorrow, we will be all smiles and totally relieved that we made it through another clinical day.  I have my uniform all prepped, bag of supplies ready to go now just  need to pack my lunch and I will be as ready as I can be!  I might be giving medications tomorrow, which is always so exciting and, you guessed it, nerve racking!  There is a common theme here!  I may also have the chance to observe in the ICU.  No clue when that will be, so I will be ready whenever.

Another service in my upcoming months is the service trip!!  I get to go on the service spring break trip in March!!  It is going to be freezing cold and snow covered, but I don't care.  There are only five students, including myself, heading to a small school where we will be put to work.  We will be helping to give well-child health screenings, health promotion teaching, and possibly observing in a medical facility.  In the evenings, there is talk of cultural immersion and lectures we will listen to.  I have a meeting with the professor who is taking the trip with us and the five students.  I am sure to have a lot more information about this trip.  We have five guys in our class of 75 and three of those guys will be on this trip.  Only two girls, of course we are both named Katie, because there are 23 forms of Katie, Kaitlyn, Catherine in our group of 75!! Crazy!  In the next few months I am in search of a warm winter coat and maybe a new pair of warm snow boots!

Service with a smile; I must keep this in mind tomorrow.  Even if I am terrified, I need to stay positive and know that I will get through this. 

Empathy

We watched this in class a little while back and wanted to share.

Cleveland Clinic Empathy Video


I can't wait to be a nurse!

Back To The Grind

I am now finishing out my second week back from break.  This is my second week of advanced Med Surge.  Advanced it is!  Our professor for the first two weeks was intense, but maybe one of my favorites so far.  She is high energy, keeps my attention and explains things so well that I actually understand what she means.  Her focus was all cardiology; so I feel like I know so much more about the heart.  Now to study a lot to retain this information!  Along with this new course comes my third clinical placement.  Today was my first 12 hour shift.  It went as well as can be expected.  I was really tired and ready to go home.  I felt overwhelmed, inadequate, not prepared and over half the time I was clueless as to what I was doing.  Ahhh the familiar feeling has come rushing back to me!!  Hopefully these next few weeks go by quickly.  Not that I want to wish away my experiences, but I know I do not want to do critical care and I simply cannot wait for the spring where I will be doing pediatrics and OB!!  I cannot wait!!  Critical care is a bit more involved (I say this now as I have completed one day..one day! Who do I think I am?!)  The nurses have at most four patients.  At my previous med surge clinical, the nurses had up to eight patients.  Big difference.  The patients on this floor are definitely more critical.  I am not in an ICU, but a step down ICU floor.  Most patients have had surgery and are not so critical they need the ICU, but they need closer monitoring then they would get on a typical floor.  I need to brush up on my basic nursing skills.  After so many weeks in psych (we didn't touch patients or do vitals or head to toe assessments!) I was thrown right back into the trenches today.  Next week we will be giving medications and I am sure held to higher expectations.  I was able to have a new first today; I checked my patient's blood glucose!  We were not allowed to do that at the previous rotation.  It was a small thrill.  I hope to challenge myself and my comfort level in this rotation.  I know I will be pushed by my instructor, which scares me but will also keep me on my toes.  I have a good clinical group and we seem to all get along really well.

I turned in my application for the service trip over spring break.  The instructor who is in charge of this trip has been sending out desperate emails due to a lack of interest in the trip.  I am really hoping she doesn't decide to cancel the trip!  I am still holding out hope I will be chosen.  Today, in her latest email attempt to get students to apply, was to do a last call to our group.  If she doesn't get any more applications, she will open the trip up to other groups of nursing students.  I will keep you posted on what happens!!  

Tomorrow is Halloween; I will be spending my evening in Pharm class.  I was thinking recently, I am pretty positive I have yet to have the chance to pass out candy with Erin since I met her.  I have always had an evening class on Halloween.  This should be the last year!! Sadly, next year I could be working on EVERY HOLIDAY!! I must enjoy the perks of being a student while I still am one :)

Speaking of Erin, she has convinced me to do this 90 day workout.  It is kicking my butt!!  The last two days I have struggled to walk due to my insanely tight calves.  It is ridiculous how out of shape I am.  She is further ahead of me and has become a rock star at these workouts.  We can do them in the comfort of our own home.  Some nights it's only 10-15 minutes.  So far I hate it, but I have an accountability partner and Erin cheering me on! 

Off to try and convince my calves it will feel good to do another workout!

Last Moments of Fall Break

Sunday night has reared it's ugly head...but thankfully this next half of the semester I only have class and clinical on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays!  That's right, four day weekends!  Before I get too excited, I have to remind myself that those extra days will be spent with my nose in a book.  But at least I can sleep in a tad (who am I kidding, I wake up at 6:30 everyday!) and wear my sweats all day if I want!

I am finishing up my application essay to turn in this week and hopefully get chosen for the service trip over spring break.  It is geared to pediatrics, so I not only feel I have to go for the experience; I HAVE to go because I will love it!  Going into a school to help educate children about the importance of healthy choices and to provide well-child health screenings.  It would be such a wonderful experience.  Fingers crossed they want me!!  It sounds like the second installment of our payment, if selected, is due in November or December.  Hopefully that means not too much of a wait time to know if I get to go.

In other news, I was thankfully excused from jury duty the night before I was scheduled to report.  What a relief!!  Not only did I not want to have to go sit for hours on end, I was also nervous if I was selected my letter and my situation wouldn't be enough to be dismissed.  Thankfully, all that worry was gone as I heard the automated service say "you're excused and do not have to report."  Woo Hoo!!

The past couple days I have finally gotten more serious about school work.  I went through my orientation information and took the required three quizzes for the hospital I am placed for my next rotation.  I will be in a step down surgical intensive care unit.  Definitely more critical patients.  I am nervous, per usual.  It will be nice to actually touch patients and take vital signs and other new skills I have yet to learn.  In psych, you never touch the patients; really it was lucky if you were able to sit and have a conversation with someone.  Before my first day, this coming Wednesday, I have a whole lot of work to complete and read in preparation for our simulation lab day.  I believe our focus will be patients with tracheotomies.  This will be brand new for me, so I have a lot of work to get through.

Ok, off to make my Erin and me some dinner and then back to the grind.

Fall Break

Fall break is well under way and I am wondering, per usual on a break, how is the time going so fast!? With that said, I am thoroughly enjoying my break.  I have yet to do any school work.  Even now as I type this, I am procrastinating from working on school work.  Sigh...story of my life!

Since I last posted, which has been awhile, I received my grade for my first pharm exam (yikes!  That's all I am saying about that one!), had my second and last exam in psych (hooray!) and finished my psych clinical rotation.  I somehow got an A- in my clinical...I assumed I had a B due to the grading philosophy of my instructor.  Long story short; I do not see psych nursing in my future.  I did learn a lot about therapeutic communication and it will be helpful to know about mental illness as I interact with future patients.

Back to my break...I have had a day where I did NOTHING allllllll day and it was fabulous.  I was in my comfies, laying on the couch watching mindless tv shows.  Another day I spent time with my friend and their adorable 2 month old twins, which is always the best!  I also got some time with with the older set of twins I baby-sit on occasion.  Kids really do make everything better and make me so so happy!  Erin and I went into the city to celebrate Outfest; a big gay celebration!  Today, I met a school friend for lunch.  We went to a local place and had delicious pumpkin beers and a good gab fest about school and life.  It was fun.  Erin and I also got to celebrate our two year anniversary!!  We met in the city, took a few pictures, had a drink on a rooftop deck and then had dinner at the restaurant where we had our first day.  It was a perfect evening with my Erin :)  Tomorrow I may or may not have jury duty.  I have to call this evening to see if I have to report.  Fingers crossed they do not need me and I can spend the day lounging/doing school work in the comfort of my new pajama pants (thanks Erin!) with my study buddy Jackson.  By study buddy I mean dog who naps for hours on end!  Worst case, I report for jury duty, spend the day reading and if I get chosen for a case, I have a handy dandy little letter from my advisor explaining the intensity of my nursing program and how it would be detrimental to my education if I missed a day.  HOPEFULLY that is all I will need to be dismissed. 

Well, I am slacked off long enough...back to school work.  Hopefully I get back in a rhythm of updating this blog a little more frequently!

Waiting

Last week I was complaining about my pharmacology exam.  That exam came and went.  It was rough.  I felt incompetent and not well prepared.  I still do not know my grade, which has caused this permanent state of nervousness in the pit of my stomach and a constant nagging in the back of my head.  Hopefully in the next couple days I will know!!  The suspense is killing me!!

I had my last day on the psych unit, which I was happy about.  I was done with psych nursing.  I am fortunate for the experience and glad that I have learned about therapeutic communication as well as insight to substance abuse, mental disorders and inpatient psychiatric care.  However, I do not see myself pursuing a job in psych.  Tomorrow is our last meeting with this lab group and instructor.  We will meet on campus to give presentations on our case study papers as well as have an individual meeting to get feedback from the clinical experience and our grade.  I am hoping this all ends by maybe 1pm as we have to go to school at 9am.  I need to come home and study for my psych exam on Thursday!!  Never a dull moment!

After my exam on Thursday, we have pharmacology class until 8:20pm and then....BREAK!!  A short week of, but I will take it and enjoy every last minute of that week!!  Basically, our psych course ends and advanced med/surg is up next.  Our one nursing course and pharmacology will still continue, we just won't have to show up for class.  This translates to Katie will still be studying and doing work on this break.  But, again, I will take it!!  We have a small group project due at the end of this month, so I hope to get that finished.  I also have my application and essay due for the service spring break trip due right after we come back from break.  I will be working on that essay over break as well.  So much to do and so little time!  I have a mental "to-do" list running for things I want to get done around the house too. 

This weekend, it is calling for rain.  I would really like to go apple picking with my Erin!!  Hopefully we can sneak some time in to do that, weather permitting.  Sadly, just because I am on break doesn't mean Erin gets a break. 

Update on our little kitty; he is hanging in there.  He seems in the past couple days to have a bit more energy.  He is still very lethargic and hides most of the day.  He had a visit from his "Aunt Liss" this weekend, which he seemed to really enjoy.  I have forced him to snuggle with me and he tolerates it for about 30 seconds before he pushes off me to get down.  I take it all as it comes.  He is eating less and less and I have used the syringe to get some food and water into him.  He is tolerating his daily pills.  Such a sweet boy :)  Jackson seems to get slightly jealous of all the extra attention and food Aramis gets, but he too is also such a sweet boy and seems to be a tad more relaxed and gentle around Aramis.  Tonight they were both snoozing away on the chair and ottoman.  I love those furry boys!!

Off to do some practice questions in preparation of my exam.

Sad News

What a week this has been!  Working my butt off to get my case study paper done to turn in today, and now going cross-eyed studying for my first pharmacology exam tomorrow.  I am so nervous for this exam, my stomach and shoulders are both in knots!  It is awful.  I will never understand how and why my sister decided her life's work would be pharmacology.  I am not a fan, and sadly, this information is not going anywhere!!  I will be giving medications once I am an RN (assuming I pass this course) and I will need to be aware of how these drugs work and side effects and contraindications...ahhhhhh!!

This weekend was uneventful, which was wonderful.  We had lunch with the Erin's mom and sister and little (read: chubby) great nephew!  It is always great to have some baby time :)  After lunch, I put on my sweat pants and sat at my desk, aka dining room table, and began my weekend of WORK!  I was writing a case study on a woman with bipolar disorder...after reading some of the symptoms of that disorder and how a big part of it is lack of personal hygiene, I was beginning to question my own sanity.  I wore the same sweat pants allllllllll weekend through Monday! And, oh it gets better, I didn't wash my hair for days.  In all honesty, I lost count of how many days had gone by.  [Disclaimer, I did shower daily!]

  I had Monday off from clinical, which didn't help my lack of personal hygiene and clean pants, but I was able to get some more work done.  Somehow I was still finishing my paper last minute, in true Katie fashion!

We also had some sad news.  Our kitty, 15 year old Aramis, has been declining steadily over the last few months.  He has been losing weight and slowly losing interest in food.  He was always "fatty" or the name Erin gave him when she first met him (which I think is adorable) "Chubbs."  Well, he is now so skinny; we can feel all of his bones.  He is still such a sweet, sweet boy and purrs like crazy when we are around him.  Over the last few days he has been hiding more and barely eating.  We decided we should take him back to the vet.  Last night, we saw the vet I spoke with on the phone back in July about his current condition.  This vet hadn't met Aramis until last night.  He was wonderful!  He reassured us that Aramis is not suffering as they do not consider losing weight to be suffering.  He said he can walk around like a skeleton and although it is shocking, he isn't in pain.  He did a "head to tail" assessment and discovered a tumor in his abdomen, which he believes is lymphoma.  We aren't doing any invasive tests to know 100%, but with his rapid weight loss and elevated calcium levels, the vet is confident it is cancer.  Our plan now is palliative care, or keep him comfortable and happy for the duration of his time with us.  This includes eating anything he wants!  We have been giving him a variety of wet cat food and today, I bought him some baby food (per vet recommendation).  We are hoping to get some calories into him to give him a bit more energy.  The vet also believes he may be nauseous, so he is still taking his steroid and now some Pepcid AC to hopefully get him wanting to eat more.  Along with what to do for him, came the hard discussion of what to watch for.  Aramis could enter a "crisis" meaning he would be suffering and that would be the time to end his suffering, and say our good-byes.  The vet also advised us, he may pass away peacefully at home, I assume at anytime.  It is a harsh reality, but seeing his decline over the past week, I am not overly hopeful he has that much more time.  He is very resistant to me holding him now since I am giving him pills, which I try not to let upset me too much.  I just went to visit him upstairs.  I sat next to him and listened to him purr so loud, rub his head on my hand and give me so many kisses.  I am so thankful for the time I do have with him.  His body is failing him, but he is still my Aramis; I can still see him and all of his charm in the shell of his old self :)
Here are a few pictures of our "Chubbs" from the past couple days

Clearly he is spoiled.  I am now taking his food and water (and cat nip) to him :) Whatever it takes to keep him comfortable, we will do.

Ok, I need to read some power point slides for a bit more before I head to bed.  Here is hoping I do not bomb my exam tomorrow!!

Day of Service

Today was such a great day!  I, along with about 75 other students, went to a public school to assist the school nurse do health screenings on the kids.  The school has kindergarten through third grade.  In just under three hours we were able to screen 280 kids!  We did vision tests, height and weights, and also checked for color blindness and depth perception.  I was at a station checking depth perception.  This was pretty fun. I had the kids put on some really fancy neon orange glasses, aka 3-D glasses, and they had two cards to look at.  One of the cards they would see a raised E and the other, nothing.  They had to identify the raised E.  It was fun to see how serious they took this quick task.  So many smiles and so many adorable kids!!  I can't wait until I get to do my pediatrics rotation!!  Kids make me so happy :)

Now, I am baby-sitting and need to focus on studying for pharmacology and finishing my case study paper.  This paper is 12-13 pages and due on Wednesdsay.  My first pharm exam is this Thursday and I am already feeling the nerves in my stomach.  This looks like the beginning of a long work filled weekend and stressful week ahead.  Only two more weeks until a week off!!  That means only two more weeks of psychology and the psych ward until we switch to advanced med surg.  I am already nervous!!  I am seeing a trend.

Off to work I go!

Fortunate.

It is 10:50pm, I am up working on some pharmacology study guides and a patient write-up for psychology, my lovely wife has gone to bed (along with the furry kids); and I feel fortunate.  I am beyond lucky to be where I am, and to be succeeding.  I really dislike school work, I really dislike feeling so far away from my Erin, I really dislike staying up late and being nervous about school work; but again, I am so fortunate.

This whole journey so far in nursing school gives me a whole mix of emotions.  Nervous, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, excited, accomplished, empowered, smart, not so smart, tired, cranky, and happy.  I find that I am already thinking of when it is over (so much for living in the moment, right?).  The people I have met in this program I have bonded with so quickly and it will be strange to not have daily/weekly interactions with them.  Is the saying, "misery loves company" appropriate here?  Or, just the idea that relationships are built in stressful situations?  I never really made any friends during my community college experience.  Not to say that is comparable to the intensity I am experiencing now.  This is a journey unlike any I have ever been on.  I am so fortunate to have such a supportive wife, loving family and friends.  I could not do what I do without them.  I wouldn't be where I am without them! I have such an amazing support system that surrounds me with love and laughter.  I try to remember this at least once everyday.

This past weekend was pretty full...just not with much school work.  It seems, in talking with a few friends today, the weekend was more fun than school work filled.  We just had our first exam and a quiz, so it seems appropriate to have given myself a slight break this past weekend.  Now to play catch up!  Friday, I spent a couple hours with the adorable twins that have recently come into our lives.  Always a highlight to my week when I get in some baby snuggles. There is nothing else like it!  I actually had a second visit with the other twins in my life; I baby-sat 15 month old twins Friday evening.  Another high point to my week!   Saturday, Erin and I took Jackson for a long walk, participated in our street cleaning and tried a new local deli for a late breakfast, which was delicious!  Later that evening, just before we left for the evening, I dropped my iPhone in the toilet...oh yes.  I am usually so careful with my phone, but I was being careless, in a hurry and had my phone in my back pocket while in the bathroom.  I heard the phone hit and took a second to realize what happened.  Without thinking, I shoved my hand in the toilet water to rescue my sinking phone.  I ripped it out of the case, dried it with the hand towel and put the hair dryer on it for a few.  Somehow, it seems the swim my phone took has had no effect on it!!  SO SO FORTUNATE!! After my minor panic attack (again, so so sorry Erin) we met up with my school friend and her boyfriend for dinner and to see Jim Gaffigan.  It was hilarious!!  Sunday, Erin and I got up and went with her family to NYC to see her brother and his boyfriend and their new AMAZING apartment, in the Upper West Side.  WOW!  It is unbelievable!!  We also walked through Times Square and saw the 9/11 memorial and Freedom Tower.  It was a great day.  I then had to stay up a little late Sunday evening to finish up an assignment that was due first thing this morning.  Whew, I am tired!

Today, was a pretty uneventful day at the hospital, although I felt it was my most productive day so far.  I participated in a few group meetings and had some interesting conversations with some of the patients.  Later this evening, we met some friends at our local pizza place to have delicious pizza and their delicious beers.  And again, I sit up to finish up/catch up on school work.  This program is going by a lot faster than I realized it would.  I am trying my best to stay in the moment, to enjoy the exciting parts, to learn from the challenging times and to make it through, smiling.  How fortunate I am!!

Advising Meeting

What a day!  I had my fall advising meeting with my advisor (have I mentioned that I love her!!).  My advisor, which I assume was chosen at random, is a former pediatrics and NICU nurse!  She loves kids!!  She is also very down to earth and straightforward.  During our 40 minute meeting she said "poop" "a$$hole" and "big girl panties"!  Too funny!

Well, we went through what I have for the duration of this program...only two more semesters after this one!  Didn't I just start nursing school??  She gave me the schedule and says, "that's all you have left!"  She also informed me that I do not have to take research since I have already taken in with my previous degree.  BONUS!!  So instead of a 20 credit semester in the spring, I will only have to take 17.  Spring is also when we do Pediatrics and Obstetrics!!  I CAN'T WAIT!!  I am sure I sounded like a 5 year old on Christmas morning when I talked to her about how excited I am for spring :)  I don't even care, I am literally that excited!!  I expressed my concern for the emotional side of pediatrics.   WHEN I am a peds nurse and have a child smile for five minutes, give a parent reassurance and they maybe forget about the illness for those few minutes because I am there...that is why I want to be a nurse!  She was reassuring and added; maybe make today better for a kid which will translate to a not so bad day tomorrow :)  I really cannot wait!! 

We also discussed the mission trip that (hopefully) I will go on over spring break.  I will learn more about the application process next Tuesday.  I know there is an essay, so I am already thinking of ideas.  I need to make my essay so compelling they would have to choose me!!

After my meeting, which gave me a new sense of hope and motivation, I went to take my first psych exam.  I was terrified, overwhelmed and nervous AND anxious...I could almost diagnose myself and should know what drugs I would need!! Haha  I left the 100 question multiple choice exam feeling defeated (per usual)...then talking to the other stressed out students I had convinced myself I failed; I was never going to pass nursing school!  Then we had an exam review, and I felt better.  I got home and checked my grade, and...I passed the exam!!  I did not fail and I will finish nursing school...until the next exam I will go through this same neurotic process.  That what doesn't kill me can only make me stronger...right!?!?!

Annnnd Overwhlemed Again!

The fall semester is well underway.  We are about to begin week four and I still feel like this semester has just begun!  Our first psych exam is Tuesday and I really do not feel ready.  I have some more studying to get in before Tuesday at 2:50!!

After a whooping three weeks in my psych rotation, I think I can say I do not see myself looking for a psych nursing job WHEN I graduate.  (I am also practicing more positive thoughts)  I am so fascinated by psychology, but I am not sure I would want to work in a psych ward.  I have had an okay experience so far, but I just do not think it is the fit for me.  Maybe after the next few weeks things will change.  We will see!

I cannot stop getting excited for the spring...pediatrics and obstetrics!!!  I am sure I will regret this statement once I see how involved the course work will be with kids and babies and pregnant ladies (did I just rhyme?), but I cannot wait!!!  I think learning about kids will be easier for the sole reason I will enjoy learning about their body systems.  Naive much, probably.  I have heard from the previous class that pediatrics is challenging.  I am ready!!  I have felt every aspect of this program is challenging, what's a little more!

This week I have a psych exam and a pharmacology quiz.  I am dreading that quiz...that course is HARD!  I have my work cut out for sure!!  In addition to the exam and quiz, I have more course work do hand in and to get caught up with.  I am also meeting with my advisor...who also happens to be the professor who takes the students on the mission trip that I am so excited about.  I have a list of questions for her already.  Hopefully it is productive and I do not find myself even more overwhelmed.  Who and I kidding, of course I will be more over whelmed!!

I am losing my train of thought and starting to panic about taking this time away from studying...off I go to cram!!

Pharmacology..."It's Hard"

Well that surely didn't take long; I am so stressed ALREADY!!

I am at the tail end of my four day weekend, on Labor Day, and I am sitting home working and missing out on yet another family dinner at Erin's parents house.  I maybe could have gone, but I would have been so stressed thinking I should be home working.  So here I sit.  Blah.

Last week went pretty well.  I  realized I missed my classmates!  We went from an insane schedule and seeing everyone everyday for those first few months to a two week break.  Don't get me wrong, I loved every second of being away from school!!  My classes will be tough.  My one course only meets on occasion as half of it is online.  This is good and bad.  Good that I won't have to be on campus as much; bad because I have to be self-motivated to go through the lectures on my own.  My clinical is short, only 8 actual days in the psych unit.  BUT the work load for clinical in unreal. My course that goes along with clinical is also a lot, but so far it is interesting.  I have always been a fan of psychology.  Hopefully I feel the same about psych nursing! 

Pharmacology, the course I have been fearing, so far after one lecture will live up to my fears.  In the first five minutes the professor says, "yes, this is a hard course, the material is hard and the exams are hard.  I give pop quizzes.  If you fall behind, there is no way to catch up."  Awesome.  I will keep you posted on that.  For now I would rather forget I am taking that course!!

Tomorrow is Tuesday already...extra short week!  I will be meeting group members a couple hours before class to work on our group presentation.  We are the first group, which is fantastic!  Get it done and out of the way!!

Back to the grind I go :)

Clinical Rotation #2

My second clinical rotation has begun! 

I am doing 6 weeks in a psych.  It is a complete change from my previous rotation in med/surg.  We spent most of the day in orientation, talking over the objectives and expectations we have of us in clinical.  I am back to my overwhelmed state!  We have a group presentation of medications, a term paper which we then give a presentation on, individually, a daily journal, patient care logs (like my previous care plans) and we also have to find a local support group to attend, do a write-up and a presentation in post conference.  This is in addition to being on the unit interacting with patients and prepping for these interactions.  We also have a simulation lab day next week that of course comes with a lot of preparation.  AHHHHHHH!!  Deep breaths :)  I am nervous for this rotation.  I love learning about psychology, but I think it is going to be a whole new experience to interact with psych patients.

I feel completely unorganized and partially not back in school mode yet.  Tomorrow, I don't have to be on campus until 2:50pm and stay until 8:30pm.  I haven't had an evening class since last year!  It will be my first class of pharmacology.  I am so nervous for this class as I know it will be hard, a lot of memorization and hardcore studying.  I am fortunate to have Fridays off this semester, but I foresee them becoming full very quickly with catching up on projects, papers and reading.  This four day weekend coming up I plan to get my butt in gear and get organized.  There are so many projects due soon I need to get prepared.  I am in a group of 8 students, for a different class, and we signed up to give our presentation first.  It will be stressful in the beginning, but then it is out of the way :)  That's what I am telling myself anyway. 

My Erin had her first day of students today and I can tell she is going to be busy soon too!  We can be study buddies ;)  I often ask her if she wants to switch work; which she never does.  Then again, I don't want to do lesson plans or teach little kids...no way! haha

I am off to do a little research to find a group therapy meeting I can attend.  Better to get all I can done sooner than later (said the worlds #1 procrastinator!)

Back At It

Whoa...I was totally MIA for a while!  I think since my last post I have had a mild mental breakdown, a birthday, passed my course and clinical rotation AND had a 2 week break!!  I've been busy!

My last week of class and clinical was high stress.  My clinical rotation ended well; I had some wonderful patients and a great review from my instructor.  We had good nurses (one of which I strive to be one day) who took time with us and were great teachers.  My lecture portion of school was insanity.  I had an exam the last week and my cumulative final on the following Monday and then freedom.  It seems so long ago now!  I spent ALL weekend before the final sitting on my butt at the table studying.  My eyes were so sore, I had an insane headache and my shoulders reached an all time high due to my constant stress.  My back was also killing me from being hunched over my laptop...seriously, could I complain anymore! (I am sure I could).  Somehow, I was able to pass my class.  I was so worried I was going to fail...which is by far my biggest fear in this whole journey.  Failure.

After my final on the 12th, I met a few classmates at a bar to have a celebratory beer.  It was fun and after I received my grade (via the app I purchased on my way home that day!) I was shocked I passed and did pretty well AND finally able to relax a bit.  Wow, I was utterly exhausted.  I was physically, mentally and emotionally drained.  I am pretty sure those 6 weeks were some of, if not the most, stressful I have had in my 32 years!!  I am SO glad it is done!!  Summer session came to an end and now to gear up for the fall.  Fall, they tell us, is a lot less intense.  We follow a traditional college semester.  15 weeks instead of six.  I will have psych and advanced med/surge rotations for clinical this semester.  Psych is first.  We also have a basic nursing course, pharmacology, psychology and advanced medical/surgical courses to keep up with.  My week will consist of Monday and Wednesday in a hospital for clinical from 7am-1pm.  Tuesday is from 1pm-5:30pm and Thursday is from 1pm-8:30pm.  Fridays...wait for it...I am OFF!  I am sure this will be dedicated to many hours of reading and studying, but at least I can sit in my PJs in the comfort of my own house!!  As I have started reading over some of what is in store for me this semester, my Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays are sure to fill up quick.  I also need to be organized to make the most of my two late start days.  The gym and I need to get reacquainted and fast!  All this sitting is no good and my body is paying the price.  If my "Freshman Year" was only a week long, can I say I have gained the dreaded "Freshman 15"???

My break was in one word WONDERFUL!!  Erin and I had some quality time together.  Our little mini getaway was perfect.  I was able to focus back on her and our world for a little bit.  Our world needed some attention!  Erin, thankfully, had the same break I did.  Where did our summer go??  She has to start back at school tomorrow too...blah!  BUT, our favorite season is coming up, so that is a plus.  This break was short and packed full, but it was the mental break I needed.  We spent a week on the beach.  One thing I noticed quickly was how easy it was for me to jump right back into non-school mode.  I was able to relax and go about doing anything and everything besides school and studying!!  I was slightly bummed we didn't have a lot of time just sitting at home, but being away from home forced me to ignore house work and my mental "to-do list" and just relax and focus on my Erin.  We had a getaway for just the two of us and then a week with her family.  Eating in restaurants, snacking on the beach, cooking, lounging around, watching TV and movies was just what we needed!  Being surrounded by babies and friends and family was wonderful!!

I am repeating myself again, but I just need to give my wife her well deserved praise.  Erin is simply amazing and oh so great to me!  She is my rock through this experience.  During my stress I am not a pleasure to be around.  I take out my frustrations in my mood and sadly, Erin gets the brunt of my stress.  I remind her all the time that I love her and that my bad mood has nothing to do with her...I hope she hears me and knows I couldn't do this without her constant love and support.  She takes care of me so well and is always happy to do so.  She never complains and tries everything in her power to make this journey easy for both of us.  I love you my Erin!!


Tomorrow morning I will be back at school...this time with all the undergrads as well.  I am leaving a bit early to make sure I have a place to park and hopefully remain calm as I navigate through those crazy kids!


Thanks for all your continued support and for sticking with my lazy blogging :)

Here is to the start of a smooth fall semester!!  Only 337 days until graduation!!

Last Week Before Break

One week from now I will be enjoying the freedom from school for a whole 14 long, fun-filled days!!  It will be oh so wonderful!  Maybe the BEST part will be some quality time with my Erin :)  I sure have missed spending time with her.  I am lucky to see her everyday, from afar, as I type away at the computer, read, review power point slides, research medications and study for exams....BUT I am looking forward to actually hanging out with her!!!  First on our agenda is a little getaway for three whole days!!  Then, a few days at home followed by a week at the beach with her family!!  The poor people at the beach are not prepared for my paleness...it's a whole new level of pale! Hopefully I can get some sun and not burn...SPF 50 reapplied every hour, here I come!

This week we have no new lectures...thank goodness, my brain is already beyond full.  Today we had exam #4.  It was so wonderful getting to leave right after.  TOmorrow we have our exam review and then a study group to prepare for our cumulative final on Monday.  WEdnesday and Thursday are my last two days in the hospital for this first clinical rotation!  I am excited about this!  I have enjoyed my time on this unit and have met some really incredible nurses.  My patients this past week were aonderful as well.  This expereince in clinical, though terrifying and oerwhleming, has only reaffirmed why I am going to school...I want to be a nurse!  I want to be a great nurse!  Being in the hospital is about 1000% better than sitting in a lecture hall talking about being in a hospital.  Don't get me wrong, I still feel so inadequate and anxious being in the hospital, but having a better idea of what it means to be a nurse has been so beyond helpful.  Learning about diseases and conditions in lecture and then having a patient with these same diseases really helps to learn.  "Putting it into practice" I believe is what we are doing.

Our program director told us to take a note of how we felt the night before our first day at clinical.  I did this in my blog...now we have our last two days, just a few weeks later, and my perspective is quite different.  Again, I still feel overwhelmed and most times feel like I have no idea what I am doing!  BUT, I also have confidence in taking vital signs, and doing a head to toe assessment.  I have had the experience of changing wound dressings, having a patient in end stage dementia who wasn't always oriented to place and time, elderly patients, middle aged patients and a whole slew of other experiences that I don't need to ramble on about.  I have done more than I thought I could and know this is only the beginning.  I cannot wait for the spring when we do our pediactric and OB rotations...I will be in my element!!  One more semester to get through...which will be psych and advanced med/surge.  And I am nervous again!!

Our last day of class for this course is spent in our lab at school.  I, of course, have a whole list of questions that have to be answered and typed up before Friday to turn in.  We will have a two and a half hour simulation involving blood products, and learning how to take care of patients with stomas (ie a colostomy; where the intestine is emptied through the abdomen into a bag).  Following our lab, we have one-on-one meetings with our clinical instructor where she will give us our final evaluation.  Hopefully these go well!! 

5 days and counting :)

August

How is it August already!?  Where did my summer go??  Oh yeah, it has been spent inside the nursing school, inside the hospital and inside my house...I am so beyond pale!  I mean even more than I normally am!  Scary!

I am counting down the days until I have a BREAK!!  Yesterday, I was in a total funk.  I was thinking I wasn't going to be able to make it through the day, let alone the rest of this course.  I couldn't get my mind off of the fact that I want my break to start NOW.  I realized I was also utterly exhausted, so I didn't do much school work, and went to bed early.  I was in a much better mood today, so that is a plus.  I still cannot wait for a break...7 more days until freedom!!!  I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.  Must. Keep. Going.

Tomorrow we have our final self-evaluation due in clinical.  We still have two days in the hospital next week, but we had to write out our strengths and weaknesses by tomorrow.  Next Friday, we have a day in our lab at school with a whole agenda, including, of course, a long write-up to do before to turn in.  After our lab time, we will all meet individually with our instructor to hear her critique of us.  We have had care plans, which mine on average have been about 18 pages, an OR write-up, post conference teaching, random articles to research and present, medications to learn and explain to our class as well as countless other tasks our instructor has thrown at us during our time on the floor to explain to our classmates in our after meeting time.  It has been NONSTOP learning and my brain is roughly at full capacity!!!  One of the most beautiful things I have heard was my instructor giving me back my last care plan (warning: bragging moment) and telling me I do not have to do the final "optional" care plan for next week.  I have learned and demonstrated the ability to apply my knowledge and to analyze patient care and diagnoses.  WOO HOO!  I will use those hours I now have to study for the last exam and final exam. 


I still cannot believe I am in an accelerated nursing program...I still am so nervous I won't be able to keep up, which scares me to know end.  I have to think positive, as my Erin keeps reminding me.  I look forward to the fall schedule, Fridays off!!  I have heard from students who have gone through the program, after this insane summer, the fall feels like slow motion, we may actually be bored.  Good thing I am surrounded by friends who have babies...I will be snuggling babies and having toddler play dates to my hearts content!!  I will also be able to help Erin maintain our home...lately I have my work area all strewn about and it's beginning to take over!!

Oh yeah, I was able to help pass out programs at the current students graduation the other night.  I also stayed to watch the graduation.  I cannot wait until next year for my graduation!!  It was a pretty short but well put together ceremony.  The program director gave a wonderful speech, surely will make me cry next year as I sit as a graduating nursing student.

I am realizing my thoughts are all over the place, so this is probably a good place to stop.  My eyes can barely stay open...off I go to hopefully get a few solid hours of sleep before my 4:30am alarm starts yelling at me!