Breathe In, Breathe Out.

Overwhelmed seems to be the theme lately.  I'm sure that will be a reoccurring theme for the duration of this program!!

I spent most of my weekend sitting at the kitchen table studying.  I tried to cram in all the information I could on the GI tract, neurological disorders and the pulmonary system.  My brain is beyond capacity, but we still have three more units to cover!  Thankfully, this is our last week of lecture.  We have another exam next Monday then just our cumulative final on the following Monday.  I am not looking that far ahead yet!  I am a little discouraged (or in the midst of a complete meltdown...sorry Erin!) about my exam grade today.  I felt okay when I left the exam, no more or less confident then the previous two.  I passed the exam, but I am disappointed in my grade.  Just need to shrug it off and know I need to do more for the next exam. 

We are having a guest speaker tomorrow.  Our unit we are focusing on is oncology.  Our guest is a faculty member as well as a 10 year cancer survivor (maybe even still battling cancer).  I am looking forward to it!  Tomorrow is also the class of 2013 graduation, which I have volunteered to help out.  I am excited to help, but also am dreading the long day I have ahead of me.  It will be great to see what I have to look forward to (exactly one year from today!!).  My expected graduation date, if I make it when I make it (that was for you Erin), is July 29, 2014.  Seems so so far away, but I know it will go fast.  The weeks go by fast, but the days (in lecture mostly) drag on and on.

Tomorrow is also my little sister's birthday!  Unfortunately, I can't go celebrate with her (blame school yet again for ruining my social life!).  We have to plan a date on my break to take her out to celebrate :)  Aside from my constant studying this weekend, we had a great brunch with my brother and sister Sunday morning.  It was nice catching up with both of them.  They were gracious enough to ask about school and let me ramble on and on and on and on about it!  So great those siblings of mine are!  My brother put my fears in perfect context; now that I have a much clearer understanding of what it means to be a nurse, what it entails and what my responsibilities will include, it is normal to feel so overwhelmed and so unprepared.  BUT, I am still in the beginning of this whole process.  I am sure I have thought this, but hearing it again, from someone else, gave me a sense of calm.  Then again, it could have been the food coma I was slipping into!!

Another exciting aspect of my weekend was visiting with my fave ladies who are about to have two new little ladies in their world.  Oh how I can't wait to have baby snuggles (x2) to help calm my school stress!!

Maybe the MOST exciting part of my weekend was my wonderful wife starting the process of changing her name.  How exciting that soon we will have the same last name!!  It seems like a small milestone, but it is HUGE for us!  I feel so honored and proud that she is willing and wanting to take my last name.  My Erin is pretty special :)

Off I go, my care plan is calling my name.

Yep.

I don't know about the straight A's part, but the rest pretty much sums it up.

2 weeks and 2 days until a 2 week BREAK!!

2 months down!

July 20...I have been in nursing school for two whole months!  That means only 12 more to go!  I get to have a preview of what my graduation will look like as I am helping to pass out programs at the upcoming graduation for the class of 2013.  SO envious of them, but they have all put in the 14 months of hard work.  I just can't wait for it to be my turn!!  I am trying to enjoy every moment of this uphill, challenging, hard, exhausting experience of learning as I can.  I know all too soon I will wish I was still in school with no REAL responsibility...sigh.

This past week may have been my hardest yet (I sound like a broken record).  I had a full out melt down I blame on pure exhaustion and stress.  My poor Erin is putting up with so much.  She is so supportive and does everything in her power to help make this whole process easier on me.  I try to  remind myself how hard this is on her too.  I over hear her talking to her family/friends, and I hear her say, "She's busy but we do get to eat dinner together every night" or "I can't wait to have my wife back."  I may be here at home sitting at the table, but I am missing from her world.  She is so respectful of my time, she lets me study and do my work (sometimes giving me an occasional back rub as my shoulders are almost in my ears these days from stress and tension).  When we see each other, we catch each other up on our day, eat a quick dinner and then we go our separate ways.  It's a challenge for sure, but it will be so worth it in the end...right?!?!  I have to keep my eye on the prize, the light at the end of the tunnel!

So, school isn't all bad.  Sure, it is hard work, a lot of time, long hours of lecture, long hours sitting on my butt and long hours working in the hospital on my feet!  I am making friends and learning more than I ever imagined!  I sure hope this knowledge stays in my head!!  The workload for this course and clinical is overwhelming.  Care plans, drug cards, reading, practice tests...my head hurts!

We had two long days of lecture, followed by three long days at the hospital.  I got a chance to observe in the OR on Wednesday.  I observed a patient getting the top lobe of the right lung removed.  I saw the lobe of the lung up close once it was removed.  It was incredible!  I didn't get a chance to get near the patient, but they had TV screens that the surgeons use that I could watch to get an up close look inside the patient!!  It was surreal; like I was watching Discovery Health, but then I would glance over and see the surgeon's hands inside the patient about 6 feet in front of me!!  It was very interesting and so glad I had the opportunity.  I am not convinced I would want to become an OR nurse, but I have a whole new respect for surgery!  I also hope I never have to have surgery!!  It was pretty impressive to watch how everyone works together in the OR.  The surgical tech was beyond impressive.  She moved so quickly, routinely and knew what the surgeon needed sometimes before he even asked for something.  All in all, it was a great learning experience.
The next two days I spent on the floor with the same patient.  I was also allowed to administer medications again!  I gave IV antibiotics, insulin and some pills; it was pretty thrilling.  I also got a chance to change my first wound dressing (which also means I got a look at my first bed sore, wow).  I am slowly gaining a little more confidence.  I feel there is order and purpose to my time on the floor.  I have made a difference, even if that was a small difference, my presence at the hospital has made an impact and that is such a wonderful feeling.  It is why I want to be a nurse!  Of course, the rest of the time (99% to be exact) I feel completely useless, overwhelmed, scared and incompetent! 

I don't remember if I have mentioned this, but it might be my most favorite thing about the hospital.  Every time a baby is born, a little lullaby is played throughout the hospital.  It brings a smile to my face without fail!  I can't wait for the spring when we get to do our OB and pediatric clinicals!!!!

I am halfway through this course; three more weeks to go, including 4 exams, 2 or 3 more care plans,  6 more days of lecture and 5 more days in the hospital.   I better get back to studying :)

Wowza!

Whew...what a week and a half it has been!  I have totally neglected keeping up with this blog.  I now feel as though I am in an accelerated nursing program, it really smacked me in the face!  This program has been challenging and every obstacle/challenge I face I think "this is hard, how will I ever get through" and then somehow I do.  Right now, I feel like I am sinking and barely able to stay afloat.  I am trying to take deep breaths, although that is rather difficult at the moment.

So, my last post was the night before my first day at clinical.  I now have four hospital shifts under my belt and I SURVIVED!  I feel I have had probably the two easiest patients I will ever have.  I am thankful for this and realizing soon I will not be so lucky.  It has been a nice way to transition from working on lab partners in the comfort of our school lab.  My clinical instructor is also wonderful, very reassuring, very helpful and also very strict (which keeps us all on our toes).  She is also a psychotherapist; so she is very into mental health with us and with our patients.  We did a deep breathing exercise in the last post conference (two hour meeting immediately after our shift on the floor at the hospital).  It was very helpful and almost put us all to sleep!  I have had the opportunity to do head to toe assessments, take vital signs a whole bunch of times, observe a catheter being removed, transported a patient, removed a med-lock (IV portal) from a patient's hand and (probably the most exciting and terrifying) administered two IV antibiotics and given a subcutaneous injection! When I type it all out it seems pretty impressive...still, I know I have barely scratched the surface.  I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO LEARN!  I am taking it day by day, and in the hospital, hour by hour and minute by minute.

Next week in clinical, I get to do my OR observation.  One of my classmates did her OR observation and told us all about it.  I am beyond excited to observe a surgery (or possibly 3 as my classmate did!).  Of course, that day also comes with it's own long write-up assignment.  Whew!  I have been noticing my hands have been sore from all the typing I have been doing.

Between 8+ hour lectures, exams, care plans, midterm self-evaluations, lab assignments and required teaching in clinical I am beyond overwhelmed.  I have been staying  up until 11pm, 12am and even 1am to finish work.  I have been waking up at 4:30am on clinical days.  Needless to say, I am dead tired.  Ok, ok, enough whining!  It is all worth it, or so I keep telling myself.

I am off now to get a jump on my care plan due this Wednesday.  Tomorrow and Tuesday I have 8 hour lectures.  I need to get a fidget; after about hour 4 I can no longer sit still! 


Pretty much how I have been feeling: ;)

Clinical Time

Break is over...how did that happen so quick??

Week six is off to a fast start!  Two full days of lecture as a junior nursing student complete.  This course is a whole six weeks long.  This is the longest course so far.  The previous three courses (yep three courses in five weeks) were only one or two weeks.  This course involves med/surge, or medical/surgical.  I have heard from other nursing students that this class is one of the ones to dread.  We have a professor we haven't had yet and so far she seems pretty good.  However, today, we learned all about diabetes from our program director.  I really enjoy her lectures, she is thorough and explains everything in detail and relatable to our level.  I feel like a diabetes expert after today!  Well, maybe a basic expert. 

This course is worth 12 credits...6 for lecture and 6 for our clinical rotation.  We have class Mondays and Tuesdays, and then, since I was placed in a nine hour clinical (not 12) I will have clinical Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 6:30am-4:00pm.  Day 1 is tomorrow!  I have my uniform all washed and ready to go.  I tried it on tonight...

This is so not a flattering picture...I'll blame it on my exhaustion.

 I am so nervous, but as I sit here now, I feel ok.  I know tomorrow as I am driving to meet my carpool buddies, I will be in full panic mode!  Our program director told us on day one of this program as well as today to make either a mental note or write in an actual journal how we feel going in to clinical.  Then we are supposed to compare this night's journal (blog) entry with the night before our last day of clinical in a mere 6 weeks.  The difference will blow us away...I am looking forward to seeing that for myself.  She said, as Express students, we are always the most nervous (check) but, we are also the group that soars the fastest (hopefully check).  Based on our backgrounds, a previous degree and life experience, after the first couple days of getting introduced to everything, it clicks and we will apparently do really well.  She said very emphatically, " TRUST ME on this one!!"  I sure hope she is right!

July 2, 2013
The night before my first clinical rotation
I am nervous.  I am anxious.  I am mildly excited. I probably won't sleep well.
My first clinical rotation, I think, is dealing with internal medicine.  I will for sure be with adults, most likely older adults.  Our first day is our orientation day, so we may not even see or touch an actual patient.  I am most overwhelmed with forgetting what we have learned thus far.  Our professor today reassured us that we are expected to know what we have been taught, nothing more.  Our clinical instructor will know tomorrow is day 1.  We are supposed to be nervous, anxious and uncomfortable.  We will meet as our group of 8 at 8:30am and stay until 4:00pm (a little later than our normal time). 

 

I am still finding moments where I am in awe at the fact I am in nursing school.  It has been a long journey and still a long way to go.  I am excited to actually get a glimpse of what nursing is actually like and to actually use the skills I have learned with real patients.  I hope my first day goes well, and my nurse is friendly and excited to teach (and not bothered by the insane amount of questions I will ask).  I also hope I have a patient who is thrilled to have a student nurse with them all day.

I must remember to breathe, trust myself, ask for help and always speak up when I do not know something.  Off to bed to try and get some sleep before my early alarm.