Back To The Grind

I am now finishing out my second week back from break.  This is my second week of advanced Med Surge.  Advanced it is!  Our professor for the first two weeks was intense, but maybe one of my favorites so far.  She is high energy, keeps my attention and explains things so well that I actually understand what she means.  Her focus was all cardiology; so I feel like I know so much more about the heart.  Now to study a lot to retain this information!  Along with this new course comes my third clinical placement.  Today was my first 12 hour shift.  It went as well as can be expected.  I was really tired and ready to go home.  I felt overwhelmed, inadequate, not prepared and over half the time I was clueless as to what I was doing.  Ahhh the familiar feeling has come rushing back to me!!  Hopefully these next few weeks go by quickly.  Not that I want to wish away my experiences, but I know I do not want to do critical care and I simply cannot wait for the spring where I will be doing pediatrics and OB!!  I cannot wait!!  Critical care is a bit more involved (I say this now as I have completed one day..one day! Who do I think I am?!)  The nurses have at most four patients.  At my previous med surge clinical, the nurses had up to eight patients.  Big difference.  The patients on this floor are definitely more critical.  I am not in an ICU, but a step down ICU floor.  Most patients have had surgery and are not so critical they need the ICU, but they need closer monitoring then they would get on a typical floor.  I need to brush up on my basic nursing skills.  After so many weeks in psych (we didn't touch patients or do vitals or head to toe assessments!) I was thrown right back into the trenches today.  Next week we will be giving medications and I am sure held to higher expectations.  I was able to have a new first today; I checked my patient's blood glucose!  We were not allowed to do that at the previous rotation.  It was a small thrill.  I hope to challenge myself and my comfort level in this rotation.  I know I will be pushed by my instructor, which scares me but will also keep me on my toes.  I have a good clinical group and we seem to all get along really well.

I turned in my application for the service trip over spring break.  The instructor who is in charge of this trip has been sending out desperate emails due to a lack of interest in the trip.  I am really hoping she doesn't decide to cancel the trip!  I am still holding out hope I will be chosen.  Today, in her latest email attempt to get students to apply, was to do a last call to our group.  If she doesn't get any more applications, she will open the trip up to other groups of nursing students.  I will keep you posted on what happens!!  

Tomorrow is Halloween; I will be spending my evening in Pharm class.  I was thinking recently, I am pretty positive I have yet to have the chance to pass out candy with Erin since I met her.  I have always had an evening class on Halloween.  This should be the last year!! Sadly, next year I could be working on EVERY HOLIDAY!! I must enjoy the perks of being a student while I still am one :)

Speaking of Erin, she has convinced me to do this 90 day workout.  It is kicking my butt!!  The last two days I have struggled to walk due to my insanely tight calves.  It is ridiculous how out of shape I am.  She is further ahead of me and has become a rock star at these workouts.  We can do them in the comfort of our own home.  Some nights it's only 10-15 minutes.  So far I hate it, but I have an accountability partner and Erin cheering me on! 

Off to try and convince my calves it will feel good to do another workout!

Last Moments of Fall Break

Sunday night has reared it's ugly head...but thankfully this next half of the semester I only have class and clinical on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays!  That's right, four day weekends!  Before I get too excited, I have to remind myself that those extra days will be spent with my nose in a book.  But at least I can sleep in a tad (who am I kidding, I wake up at 6:30 everyday!) and wear my sweats all day if I want!

I am finishing up my application essay to turn in this week and hopefully get chosen for the service trip over spring break.  It is geared to pediatrics, so I not only feel I have to go for the experience; I HAVE to go because I will love it!  Going into a school to help educate children about the importance of healthy choices and to provide well-child health screenings.  It would be such a wonderful experience.  Fingers crossed they want me!!  It sounds like the second installment of our payment, if selected, is due in November or December.  Hopefully that means not too much of a wait time to know if I get to go.

In other news, I was thankfully excused from jury duty the night before I was scheduled to report.  What a relief!!  Not only did I not want to have to go sit for hours on end, I was also nervous if I was selected my letter and my situation wouldn't be enough to be dismissed.  Thankfully, all that worry was gone as I heard the automated service say "you're excused and do not have to report."  Woo Hoo!!

The past couple days I have finally gotten more serious about school work.  I went through my orientation information and took the required three quizzes for the hospital I am placed for my next rotation.  I will be in a step down surgical intensive care unit.  Definitely more critical patients.  I am nervous, per usual.  It will be nice to actually touch patients and take vital signs and other new skills I have yet to learn.  In psych, you never touch the patients; really it was lucky if you were able to sit and have a conversation with someone.  Before my first day, this coming Wednesday, I have a whole lot of work to complete and read in preparation for our simulation lab day.  I believe our focus will be patients with tracheotomies.  This will be brand new for me, so I have a lot of work to get through.

Ok, off to make my Erin and me some dinner and then back to the grind.

Fall Break

Fall break is well under way and I am wondering, per usual on a break, how is the time going so fast!? With that said, I am thoroughly enjoying my break.  I have yet to do any school work.  Even now as I type this, I am procrastinating from working on school work.  Sigh...story of my life!

Since I last posted, which has been awhile, I received my grade for my first pharm exam (yikes!  That's all I am saying about that one!), had my second and last exam in psych (hooray!) and finished my psych clinical rotation.  I somehow got an A- in my clinical...I assumed I had a B due to the grading philosophy of my instructor.  Long story short; I do not see psych nursing in my future.  I did learn a lot about therapeutic communication and it will be helpful to know about mental illness as I interact with future patients.

Back to my break...I have had a day where I did NOTHING allllllll day and it was fabulous.  I was in my comfies, laying on the couch watching mindless tv shows.  Another day I spent time with my friend and their adorable 2 month old twins, which is always the best!  I also got some time with with the older set of twins I baby-sit on occasion.  Kids really do make everything better and make me so so happy!  Erin and I went into the city to celebrate Outfest; a big gay celebration!  Today, I met a school friend for lunch.  We went to a local place and had delicious pumpkin beers and a good gab fest about school and life.  It was fun.  Erin and I also got to celebrate our two year anniversary!!  We met in the city, took a few pictures, had a drink on a rooftop deck and then had dinner at the restaurant where we had our first day.  It was a perfect evening with my Erin :)  Tomorrow I may or may not have jury duty.  I have to call this evening to see if I have to report.  Fingers crossed they do not need me and I can spend the day lounging/doing school work in the comfort of my new pajama pants (thanks Erin!) with my study buddy Jackson.  By study buddy I mean dog who naps for hours on end!  Worst case, I report for jury duty, spend the day reading and if I get chosen for a case, I have a handy dandy little letter from my advisor explaining the intensity of my nursing program and how it would be detrimental to my education if I missed a day.  HOPEFULLY that is all I will need to be dismissed. 

Well, I am slacked off long enough...back to school work.  Hopefully I get back in a rhythm of updating this blog a little more frequently!

Waiting

Last week I was complaining about my pharmacology exam.  That exam came and went.  It was rough.  I felt incompetent and not well prepared.  I still do not know my grade, which has caused this permanent state of nervousness in the pit of my stomach and a constant nagging in the back of my head.  Hopefully in the next couple days I will know!!  The suspense is killing me!!

I had my last day on the psych unit, which I was happy about.  I was done with psych nursing.  I am fortunate for the experience and glad that I have learned about therapeutic communication as well as insight to substance abuse, mental disorders and inpatient psychiatric care.  However, I do not see myself pursuing a job in psych.  Tomorrow is our last meeting with this lab group and instructor.  We will meet on campus to give presentations on our case study papers as well as have an individual meeting to get feedback from the clinical experience and our grade.  I am hoping this all ends by maybe 1pm as we have to go to school at 9am.  I need to come home and study for my psych exam on Thursday!!  Never a dull moment!

After my exam on Thursday, we have pharmacology class until 8:20pm and then....BREAK!!  A short week of, but I will take it and enjoy every last minute of that week!!  Basically, our psych course ends and advanced med/surg is up next.  Our one nursing course and pharmacology will still continue, we just won't have to show up for class.  This translates to Katie will still be studying and doing work on this break.  But, again, I will take it!!  We have a small group project due at the end of this month, so I hope to get that finished.  I also have my application and essay due for the service spring break trip due right after we come back from break.  I will be working on that essay over break as well.  So much to do and so little time!  I have a mental "to-do" list running for things I want to get done around the house too. 

This weekend, it is calling for rain.  I would really like to go apple picking with my Erin!!  Hopefully we can sneak some time in to do that, weather permitting.  Sadly, just because I am on break doesn't mean Erin gets a break. 

Update on our little kitty; he is hanging in there.  He seems in the past couple days to have a bit more energy.  He is still very lethargic and hides most of the day.  He had a visit from his "Aunt Liss" this weekend, which he seemed to really enjoy.  I have forced him to snuggle with me and he tolerates it for about 30 seconds before he pushes off me to get down.  I take it all as it comes.  He is eating less and less and I have used the syringe to get some food and water into him.  He is tolerating his daily pills.  Such a sweet boy :)  Jackson seems to get slightly jealous of all the extra attention and food Aramis gets, but he too is also such a sweet boy and seems to be a tad more relaxed and gentle around Aramis.  Tonight they were both snoozing away on the chair and ottoman.  I love those furry boys!!

Off to do some practice questions in preparation of my exam.

Sad News

What a week this has been!  Working my butt off to get my case study paper done to turn in today, and now going cross-eyed studying for my first pharmacology exam tomorrow.  I am so nervous for this exam, my stomach and shoulders are both in knots!  It is awful.  I will never understand how and why my sister decided her life's work would be pharmacology.  I am not a fan, and sadly, this information is not going anywhere!!  I will be giving medications once I am an RN (assuming I pass this course) and I will need to be aware of how these drugs work and side effects and contraindications...ahhhhhh!!

This weekend was uneventful, which was wonderful.  We had lunch with the Erin's mom and sister and little (read: chubby) great nephew!  It is always great to have some baby time :)  After lunch, I put on my sweat pants and sat at my desk, aka dining room table, and began my weekend of WORK!  I was writing a case study on a woman with bipolar disorder...after reading some of the symptoms of that disorder and how a big part of it is lack of personal hygiene, I was beginning to question my own sanity.  I wore the same sweat pants allllllllll weekend through Monday! And, oh it gets better, I didn't wash my hair for days.  In all honesty, I lost count of how many days had gone by.  [Disclaimer, I did shower daily!]

  I had Monday off from clinical, which didn't help my lack of personal hygiene and clean pants, but I was able to get some more work done.  Somehow I was still finishing my paper last minute, in true Katie fashion!

We also had some sad news.  Our kitty, 15 year old Aramis, has been declining steadily over the last few months.  He has been losing weight and slowly losing interest in food.  He was always "fatty" or the name Erin gave him when she first met him (which I think is adorable) "Chubbs."  Well, he is now so skinny; we can feel all of his bones.  He is still such a sweet, sweet boy and purrs like crazy when we are around him.  Over the last few days he has been hiding more and barely eating.  We decided we should take him back to the vet.  Last night, we saw the vet I spoke with on the phone back in July about his current condition.  This vet hadn't met Aramis until last night.  He was wonderful!  He reassured us that Aramis is not suffering as they do not consider losing weight to be suffering.  He said he can walk around like a skeleton and although it is shocking, he isn't in pain.  He did a "head to tail" assessment and discovered a tumor in his abdomen, which he believes is lymphoma.  We aren't doing any invasive tests to know 100%, but with his rapid weight loss and elevated calcium levels, the vet is confident it is cancer.  Our plan now is palliative care, or keep him comfortable and happy for the duration of his time with us.  This includes eating anything he wants!  We have been giving him a variety of wet cat food and today, I bought him some baby food (per vet recommendation).  We are hoping to get some calories into him to give him a bit more energy.  The vet also believes he may be nauseous, so he is still taking his steroid and now some Pepcid AC to hopefully get him wanting to eat more.  Along with what to do for him, came the hard discussion of what to watch for.  Aramis could enter a "crisis" meaning he would be suffering and that would be the time to end his suffering, and say our good-byes.  The vet also advised us, he may pass away peacefully at home, I assume at anytime.  It is a harsh reality, but seeing his decline over the past week, I am not overly hopeful he has that much more time.  He is very resistant to me holding him now since I am giving him pills, which I try not to let upset me too much.  I just went to visit him upstairs.  I sat next to him and listened to him purr so loud, rub his head on my hand and give me so many kisses.  I am so thankful for the time I do have with him.  His body is failing him, but he is still my Aramis; I can still see him and all of his charm in the shell of his old self :)
Here are a few pictures of our "Chubbs" from the past couple days

Clearly he is spoiled.  I am now taking his food and water (and cat nip) to him :) Whatever it takes to keep him comfortable, we will do.

Ok, I need to read some power point slides for a bit more before I head to bed.  Here is hoping I do not bomb my exam tomorrow!!

Day of Service

Today was such a great day!  I, along with about 75 other students, went to a public school to assist the school nurse do health screenings on the kids.  The school has kindergarten through third grade.  In just under three hours we were able to screen 280 kids!  We did vision tests, height and weights, and also checked for color blindness and depth perception.  I was at a station checking depth perception.  This was pretty fun. I had the kids put on some really fancy neon orange glasses, aka 3-D glasses, and they had two cards to look at.  One of the cards they would see a raised E and the other, nothing.  They had to identify the raised E.  It was fun to see how serious they took this quick task.  So many smiles and so many adorable kids!!  I can't wait until I get to do my pediatrics rotation!!  Kids make me so happy :)

Now, I am baby-sitting and need to focus on studying for pharmacology and finishing my case study paper.  This paper is 12-13 pages and due on Wednesdsay.  My first pharm exam is this Thursday and I am already feeling the nerves in my stomach.  This looks like the beginning of a long work filled weekend and stressful week ahead.  Only two more weeks until a week off!!  That means only two more weeks of psychology and the psych ward until we switch to advanced med surg.  I am already nervous!!  I am seeing a trend.

Off to work I go!

Fortunate.

It is 10:50pm, I am up working on some pharmacology study guides and a patient write-up for psychology, my lovely wife has gone to bed (along with the furry kids); and I feel fortunate.  I am beyond lucky to be where I am, and to be succeeding.  I really dislike school work, I really dislike feeling so far away from my Erin, I really dislike staying up late and being nervous about school work; but again, I am so fortunate.

This whole journey so far in nursing school gives me a whole mix of emotions.  Nervous, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, excited, accomplished, empowered, smart, not so smart, tired, cranky, and happy.  I find that I am already thinking of when it is over (so much for living in the moment, right?).  The people I have met in this program I have bonded with so quickly and it will be strange to not have daily/weekly interactions with them.  Is the saying, "misery loves company" appropriate here?  Or, just the idea that relationships are built in stressful situations?  I never really made any friends during my community college experience.  Not to say that is comparable to the intensity I am experiencing now.  This is a journey unlike any I have ever been on.  I am so fortunate to have such a supportive wife, loving family and friends.  I could not do what I do without them.  I wouldn't be where I am without them! I have such an amazing support system that surrounds me with love and laughter.  I try to remember this at least once everyday.

This past weekend was pretty full...just not with much school work.  It seems, in talking with a few friends today, the weekend was more fun than school work filled.  We just had our first exam and a quiz, so it seems appropriate to have given myself a slight break this past weekend.  Now to play catch up!  Friday, I spent a couple hours with the adorable twins that have recently come into our lives.  Always a highlight to my week when I get in some baby snuggles. There is nothing else like it!  I actually had a second visit with the other twins in my life; I baby-sat 15 month old twins Friday evening.  Another high point to my week!   Saturday, Erin and I took Jackson for a long walk, participated in our street cleaning and tried a new local deli for a late breakfast, which was delicious!  Later that evening, just before we left for the evening, I dropped my iPhone in the toilet...oh yes.  I am usually so careful with my phone, but I was being careless, in a hurry and had my phone in my back pocket while in the bathroom.  I heard the phone hit and took a second to realize what happened.  Without thinking, I shoved my hand in the toilet water to rescue my sinking phone.  I ripped it out of the case, dried it with the hand towel and put the hair dryer on it for a few.  Somehow, it seems the swim my phone took has had no effect on it!!  SO SO FORTUNATE!! After my minor panic attack (again, so so sorry Erin) we met up with my school friend and her boyfriend for dinner and to see Jim Gaffigan.  It was hilarious!!  Sunday, Erin and I got up and went with her family to NYC to see her brother and his boyfriend and their new AMAZING apartment, in the Upper West Side.  WOW!  It is unbelievable!!  We also walked through Times Square and saw the 9/11 memorial and Freedom Tower.  It was a great day.  I then had to stay up a little late Sunday evening to finish up an assignment that was due first thing this morning.  Whew, I am tired!

Today, was a pretty uneventful day at the hospital, although I felt it was my most productive day so far.  I participated in a few group meetings and had some interesting conversations with some of the patients.  Later this evening, we met some friends at our local pizza place to have delicious pizza and their delicious beers.  And again, I sit up to finish up/catch up on school work.  This program is going by a lot faster than I realized it would.  I am trying my best to stay in the moment, to enjoy the exciting parts, to learn from the challenging times and to make it through, smiling.  How fortunate I am!!